tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36316960600263617312024-03-14T10:39:04.371-07:00why did i think an andromeda reference in my blog title would be hip?only lady mary crawley can pull off hip andromeda references. i understand that now.Unknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger17125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3631696060026361731.post-53949274915529993162017-11-15T15:49:00.004-08:002017-11-15T15:50:21.258-08:00Seriously. The Andromeda reference in the URL could not stand. 2011 me's decisions were not to be trusted.You can find my more recent (but, let's be real, still pretty quiet) blog at <a href="http://hannahjohnsonthewriter.blogspot.com/">hannahjohnsonthewriter.blogspot.com</a>!<br />
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I hope that anyone whose eyeballs might fall upon this short and random post is having a lovely day.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3631696060026361731.post-84636717470000241982014-10-31T23:16:00.003-07:002014-10-31T23:28:30.743-07:00Happy Krafty Halloween! Be on the lookout ...Hello, neglected blog! I am just dropping in to say that for the past few days, I've been feverishly scribbling a new tale starring the <i>Know Not Why </i>characters. I originally planned to release it on Halloween, but it's blossomed into more of a novella than a short story (60 pages and counting!), and I'm going to need a bit more time to finish writing and polishing it up.<br />
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So there should be a very silly -- and fashionably late -- Halloween-themed <i>Know Not Why </i>novella headed your way within the first week or two of November! Expect lots of banter and shenanigans, as well as some glimpses into the heads of characters who are not Howie. (Twist!)<br />
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I'm a huge fan of zany workplace comedies like <i>The Office </i>and <i>Parks and Recreation</i>; both shows inspired me a lot when I was creating a fictional workplace comedy setting in <i>Know Not Why</i>. So this novella kinda exists in the grand tradition of ridiculous Halloween episodes.<br />
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Here is one of the early scenes in the story, just to give you a little teaser. :) You will be seeing more soon!<br />
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<b>From <i>Toil & Trouble: A Know Not Why Halloween (Mis)adventure</i></b></div>
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It’s not really a huge surprise that Cora Caldwell is
bonkers for Halloween.</div>
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But Howie does not anticipate just how bonkers.</div>
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No one could anticipate just how bonkers.</div>
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He and Arthur show up to work a little late one morning.
The longer the store lives on like some ungodly and unkillable demon, the more
relaxed Arthur becomes about his policy on arriving to work two hours before
they open.</div>
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Especially when there’s more important stuff to do at
home.</div>
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Like, say, in the bedroom.</div>
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And the shower.</div>
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And then the bedroom again.</div>
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And then, briefly, the kitchen, before Arthur’s ‘We <i>eat </i>at this <i>table</i>’ prudery kicked in.</div>
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What a nerd.</div>
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They’re teetering dangerously close to late when they
show up at the store. But at least they’re both in a good mood.</div>
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Turns out, crazy things happen when you leave arts ‘n
crafts stores unsupervised.</div>
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They step inside to find that Artie Kraft’s Arts ‘N
Crafts has been transformed into an orange-and-black shrine to jack-o’-lanterns,
cobwebs, and life-sized plastic skeletons posed in various jaunty positions.</div>
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“Hey look,” Howie says. “Tim Burton broke in and puked
his soul all over.”</div>
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“A very reasonable explanation,” Arthur says.</div>
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Cora shimmies out from between the shelves, dressed in a
peppy orange cardigan and one of those scraggly black witch dresses from the
Halloween aisle of the grocery store. Her knee high socks are covered in smiley
bats. She’s holding a bag of cottony cobwebs, and at their arrival, she throws
a handful into the air in celebration. Some lands on Arthur’s head. He looks
frankly dashing.</div>
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“You’re early,” Arthur says, uncomprehending. Howie
cannot blame the dude for his bafflement.</div>
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“It’s Halloween, bitches!” Cora announces gloriously.</div>
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She does a little The Sound of Music spin, like this is
her own personal nun mountain.</div>
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(Or whatever. Howie has never actually fully grasped the
complexities of The Sound of Music.)</div>
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“It’s Halloween in thirty days,” Arthur says.</div>
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“If it’s October, it’s Halloween. This month we’re
playing by my rules, boys.”</div>
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“Why?” Arthur asks blankly.</div>
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“Can’t you just let me have this?” Cora pleads. “I
already fucking lost my dream role.”</div>
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It’s true: Cora’s theatre group is putting on an
all-female production of Frankenstein, featuring an original script adapted by
none other than Amber. Cora had her heart set on playing the creature; unfortunately,
Heather Grimsby showed up to auditions and blew everybody away with her ability
to convincingly channel a horrifying monstrous life-ruiner. (Secretly, Howie
wasn’t really surprised by <i>that </i>news.)</div>
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Now Cora’s stuck playing Dr. Frankenstein, which is
apparently tantamount to having all your hopes and dreams shattered.</div>
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Even Arthur’s capable of some sympathy over that one.</div>
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“Please?” Cora says.</div>
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Arthur glances around. His eyes land on a skeleton propped
up in the corner in a pose that can only be called bootilicious.</div>
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Or maybe rumpishly eager.</div>
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“Is that really necessary?” Arthur frowns.</div>
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“He’s twerking,” Cora says defensively.</div>
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“Again, I ask: <i>why</i>?”</div>
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“Fine.” Cora stomps over and readjusts the skeleton into
a less saucy position. “There. Happy?”</div>
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Arthur considers it for a moment. Then: “Halloween it
is.”</div>
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“Aw yeah!” Cora shimmies triumphantly over to the stereo.</div>
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The strains of a familiar eerie ditty fill the air.</div>
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Howie is immediately catapulted back to not-exactly-proud
memories of scampering around Amber’s family’s living room floor.</div>
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“What is this?” Arthur asks, bewildered.</div>
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“What <i>is</i> this?”
Cora repeats, aghast. “Blasphemer!”</div>
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“You haven’t heard The Monster Mash?” Howie says.</div>
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“You have?”</div>
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“Oh yeah. Amber made me choreograph a dance routine to it
when we were eight. And not to brag or anything, but <i>I was good.</i>”</div>
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Arthur grins. “Can I request a repeat performance?”</div>
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“I immediately regret telling you about it,” Howie
realizes aloud.</div>
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Arthur asks, “What move does the choreography call for
... right now?”</div>
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It’s sad that Howie doesn’t even have to think about the
answer. “Zombie twirl.”</div>
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“What’s a zombie twirl?” Arthur asks way too delightedly.</div>
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“Yeah, you’re never finding out.”</div>
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“We’ll find out,” Cora says, slinging an arm around
Arthur’s shoulder.</div>
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“I expect so,” Arthur agrees, pleased.</div>
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“That is never happening,” Howie informs them sternly.</div>
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His sternness does not work on Cora at all. “Whatevs. Happy
Halloween, zombie dancer.”</div>
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She reaches a hand down her top and pulls out—why, look
at that!—two tiny bags of candy corn. She tosses one to Howie and one to
Arthur.</div>
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“Maybe straight guys <i>are
</i>onto something,” Howie marvels. “Go, boobs.”</div>
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Cora winks at him.</div>
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“I don’t think I’m comfortable with eating bra candy
corn,” Arthur says, staring down at the little packet in his hand. “It’s <i>warm</i>.”</div>
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“Sucks to be you, man,” Howie says, and pours a handful
of candy corn goodness into his mouth.</div>
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+++</div>
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<i>To be continued!</i></div>
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<i><br /></i>
If you'd like to visit the GoodReads page for <i>Toil & Trouble</i>, <b><a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/23486496-toil-trouble" target="_blank">click here</a></b>.<br />
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(I may or may not have given Howie my addiction to candy corn. Since he is fictional, he can eat as much of it as he wants without his body crying out in angry rebellion. It would be a lie to claim I was not super jealous.)</div>
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Hoping everybody enjoyed a very jolly Halloween!</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3631696060026361731.post-63084912989263234942014-07-27T18:26:00.001-07:002014-07-27T18:28:17.047-07:00Of witch queens and princesses, Jane Eyre gettin' her YouTube on, and glorious Robin Hood romps.Hello there, blog! Unsurprising confession: I may be the world's actual most negligent blogger. Which is probably pretty obvious, considering I have had this blog for like three years (possibly more than three?) and have posted maybe ten times. I'm just trying to maintain an air of mystery! Ooh, mystery!<br />
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... Nah, not really. Actually, I have a pretty ridiculous case of Blogging Shyness, where I feel like there's just not much I have to say that will actually be very interesting. But I'm going to try anyway, friends!<br />
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I figure I will just devote this post to talking about some stories I've been enjoying recently.<br />
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1. <b>My own current novel in progress - </b>(Well, this one I've been alternately enjoying and cursing the heavens over, as you do when you are ensconced in a writing project.) This one is about a witch queen named Penelope, who oversees a quaint pastoral village called Verdancy in a fairytale-y land. There's a longstanding tradition wherein witch queens kidnap royal princesses so they can have them on hold, should the fae folk demand a fancy human sacrifice. So Penelope kidnaps Princess Calista -- accidentally on the princess's wedding day, no less -- and then finds herself completely baffled when the princess is actually super psyched to be stolen away.<br />
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An excerpt from the first page:<br />
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<blockquote class="tr_bq">
“May I just say,” the princess begins, looking quite
giddy despite the fact that her white dress is in tatters, “that your timing
truly is <i>impeccable</i>! Thank you!”<br />
<o:p> </o:p>The witch queen does not know exactly what to do with
that.<br />
<o:p> </o:p>To be honest, she is still rather new at this witch
queening business, and while she was prepared for any number of reactions for
her first kidnapped princess—weeping; begging; a sad, sorry, certainly
ill-fated attempt at fighting back—well, ebullient gratitude simply wasn’t on
the list.<br />
<o:p> </o:p>The princess grins at her.<br />
<o:p> </o:p>“COWER, SWINE,” the witch queen shouts, a little too late
but formidably nonetheless.<br />
<o:p> </o:p>The flowers woven into the princess’s auburn hair all
promptly wilt.<br />
<o:p> </o:p>“Oh right,” the princess says, politely apologetic as a
ballroom guest. She sinks down onto her knees and stares down at the floor,
shoulders hunched in supplication. Then she peeks up at the witch queen. “Will
this do, cowering-wise?”<br />
<o:p> </o:p>The witch queen feels a surge of sheer bafflement. She
has always been at a loss in social situations; it’s a large part of why witch
queening appealed to her. No one expects proper manners and sparkling social
graces from a witch queen.<br />
<o:p> </o:p>Except, apparently, this deranged princess.<br />
<o:p> </o:p>“A terrified whimper or two wouldn’t hurt,” the witch
queen says, trying to sound authoritative instead of awkward. “Maybe an
anguished moan.”<br />
<o:p> </o:p><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;">“Got it!” the
princess says. Then she starts whimpering quite convincingly. After a few
moments of whimpering, she moans, “Oh! Oh, the anguish of me right now!” She
pauses and asks, rather cheekily, “How’s that?”</span></blockquote>
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Shenanigans ensue, and many unanticipated heartfelt conversations!<br />
<br />
As is often the case with my writing projects, this story isn't heavy on plot, but it's big on feelings! It's really turned into an examination of what it's like to have your own personality and role in the world essentially determined for you by outside forces (i.e. "You're a witch queen! Be hardcore evil!" or "You're a princess! Marry this guy who rescued you even though you don't actually know him at all!") and how exhausting it is to live within those confines, and how impossible it can feel to break free of them.<br />
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Also, you know, witches and princesses growing gradually besotted with each other. There is a great deal o' that, and it is a freaking delight to write.<br />
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I am hoping it'll shape up to be a sweet and entertaining tale, and I hope to share it with y'all at the Kindle Store within the next few months. :)<br />
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2. <b>The Autobiography of Jane Eyre - </b>I've been meaning to devote a blog post to this wonderful web series for months upon months now, but somehow couldn't ever quite find the words to articulate how much it meant to me and how much I enjoyed it. The show ended recently -- which I am having a hard time reconciling myself to (how many times can a girl check the "aoje" Tumblr tag hoping for a super secret epilogue episode? Turns out, lots) -- and so now seems as good a time as any to sing its praises! I am a big <i>Jane Eyre </i>enthusiast and spent a lot of time working with the novel in grad school (and undergrad school!), and I distantly recall that I was really skeptical of <i>Jane Eyre</i>'s potential to be retold in a modern setting. It just seemed so fundamentally rooted in its own time period that I really doubted any modern adaptation could capture the heart of it.<br />
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The AOJE team proved me wrong, and I am tremendously glad of that! This series lacks the polish of the pioneer of the genre, <i>The Lizzie Bennet Diaries, </i>and as a viewer I found that really exciting, and really true to the spirit of Bronte's original novel. AOJE feels really <i>real</i>: there's a certain fearlessness to the storytelling, a willingness to really use the web blog conceit in new and unusual ways. This is a series that goes outdoors and uses everything from dreamy folk music to YouTube vlogger memes in this really cool, inventive way that ultimately helps to retell the story in such a rich fashion. It's a constant delight to observe the adaptation choices AOJE makes, especially if you're really familiar with the novel. As a <i>Jane Eyre </i>nerd, I was constantly giddy.<br />
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All of the actors are fantastic, and the adaptation pays very thoughtful attention to characters who are often breezed over in film adaptations of <i>JE</i>; in particular, the series has a wonderful range of female characters who are an essential part of Jane's life.<br />
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Of course, a big part of any <i>Jane Eyre </i>story is her romance (though in AOJE that is hardly the central experience of her life, and huzzah for that). Even though it took me a little while to warm up to him, Adam J. Wright's Rochester wound up being one of my very favorite adaptations of the character. Rather than just making him dark and brooding like many a <i>Jane Eyre </i>film, the adaptation really plays up the zany sense of humor that's so oddly compatible with Jane's own. Also, the decision to make Rochester a collector of eclectic socks is one of my favorite characterization decisions in the history of the entire world.<br />
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The chemistry between Jane and Rochester starts out awkward and tense and gradually becomes warm, witty, and weird in the most enchanting way. The courtship portion of the series is ... like, honestly, kind of straight up thrilling. They're brilliant to watch together. "Kidnapped" is, I think, the best episode of a web series that exists to date--hilarious, atmospheric, so full of energy and the best kind of blossoming romance, where you can tell the two characters just thrive in each other's company.<br />
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Last and most importantly, Alysson Hall's Jane is, of course, the heart of the story: she is endearing, funny, gracious, vulnerable, passionate, and remarkably strong in spite of her occasional self doubt -- a wonderful Jane who fully encapsulates the qualities of her literary foremother. When you're swept up in the series, it's very hard to remember that she's not real.<br />
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There is one detriment to the series that I'll warn y'all against now because I must admit, I kind of wanted to weep a few angsty fangirl tears over it: Adam Wright was unavailable to return as Rochester in the latter half of the series. The series still ends on a high note in spite of it (because it does an excellent job developing Jane's life outside Rochester), but we don't get to see any of those very funny and affectionate Jane/Rochester scenes that take place after their reconciliation. It's such a great part of the novel, and I have no doubt that, had circumstances been different, it would have been just wonderful to see AOJE's Jane and Rochester getting their banter on once again.<br />
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But the series is <i>Jane's</i>, rather than The Jane/Rochester Saga (a mistake so many <i>Jane Eyre </i>adaptations tend to commit), and it ends in a really poignant and satisfying place for our heroine -- and takes its audience so many wonderful places along the way. Highly, highly recommended.<br />
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<b><a href="https://www.youtube.com/user/TheAOJaneEyre" target="_blank">HERE</a> </b>is a link to the YouTube channel where you can find the episodes, and <b><a href="http://theautobiographyofja.wix.com/jane-eyre" target="_blank">HERE</a></b> is a link to the official AOJE website. (Following the transmedia elements of the story will be trickier now than it was in real time, but I recommend checking them out regardless! The transmedia for this series <i>rules</i>.)<br />
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3.<b> The <i>Sherwood Forest </i>Series by Laura McVey </b>- I am lucky enough to have gotten to know Laura over the past few years, and in addition to her brilliant and insightful analyses of media and storytelling, she is an excellent fiction writer! (Some people have all the luck, man.) Her series <i>Sherwood Forest </i>hit the interwebs at the start of this summer; it's a serialized retelling of the Robin Hood legend, and a new addition to the series comes out every month. (Sidenote: how cool is it that e-publishing has the potential to bring serialization back to written fiction?? I have always been so jealous of those Victorian writers and their ability to leave people with a kickass cliffhanger every month or whatever.)<br />
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<i>Sherwood Forest </i>deconstructs the sort of <i>tra la la! </i>merriment that we tend to associate with Robin Hood, and examines the social issues inherent within the stories in a really poignant and thoughtful way. The stories aren't just given to us through Robin's point of view, which is what really makes the series shine: we get the perspectives not only of the other Merry Men (I especially enjoy her take on Much and Alan A'Dale), but of Marian (in this version, Robin's wife and a hostage confined within the Sheriff's castle -- a poised, pragmatic woman who <i>deeply </i>deserves a break), as well as a number of female characters who are new to the story -- Marian's devoted and super adorable maidservant Cecily; Bess and Alice, young women in the village exposed to the oft-horrific consequences of the Sheriff's reign; and, most prominently, Shaima, a young woman brought back from the Holy Land by Robin and struggling with her place in a world that staunchly views her as an outsider. Robin Hood is one of those legends that's largely male-dominated, and I really appreciate the way McVey portrays women's experiences in Nottingham.<br />
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Historical fiction enthusiasts or readers who enjoy retellings of popular myths and legends should definitely check this series out. I am lucky enough to have read ahead a bit in the series (it pays to have friends in high places, folks!), and I can promise that it only gets more engrossing, exciting, and heartwrenching, and it's really enjoyable to discover how the dynamics between the characters continue to evolve.<br />
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The first two installments, <i>Homecoming </i>and <i>Foreigner</i>, are available through Amazon's Kindle Store <b><a href="http://www.amazon.ca/s?_encoding=UTF8&field-author=Laura%20McVey&search-alias=digital-text" target="_blank">HERE</a></b> and Smashwords <b><a href="http://www.smashwords.com/profile/view/evewithanapple" target="_blank">HERE</a></b>.<br />
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--<br />
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And that's all for now, friends! Let's hope that my next blog post happens sooner than six months from now, but honestly, I make no promises. :)Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3631696060026361731.post-87265468655053234422014-04-30T08:39:00.002-07:002014-04-30T08:39:49.499-07:00Writing talk!I have officially passed my master's thesis defense, hooray! Now that my grad school career is winding down, I'm finally able to devote some substantial time to writing again, and I would also like to give some of this newfound writing time to more frequent blogging! So I figure I will do a series of posts discussing the various writing projects that I've been working on; I am dying to release something new this summer, but I'm currently caught between a handful of beloved (and, okay, horrendously neglected) projects and am not sure which to finish first.<br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
Over the past few days, I've found my attention re-snagged by a novella I wrote last summer by the name of <i>Damsel</i>.
It is basically an emotionally fraught fairytaley Gothic romp about a highborn young woman named Evelina who gets imprisoned in a spooky manor house as bait to lure her true love
(well, "true love") to come rescue her and MEET HIS CERTAIN DOOM at
the hands of the villain. And then the villain's ward Tabitha gets appointed my
heroine's impromptu handmaiden, and obviously, <i>the sparks, they fly</i>!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And while the plot still needs tons of refining, I have to
admit I really enjoy the interaction between my leading ladies. THESE BANTERY
WENCHES.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Anyway: is anyone in the mood for a Gothic manor house/fairytale romp with ladyloves? I'm not really sure what the kids are into these days. Ain't no party like a Bluebeard party 'cause a Bluebeard party is all about providing the opportunity to deconstruct atrocious tropes perhaps best encapsulated in the Poe quotation "<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">The
death of a beautiful woman is, unquestionably, the most poetical topic in the
world"! ... wikka wikka whaaaaat. (Yep.)</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
An excerpt of the two heroines getting to know each other via that most sacred art form BANTER, just for funsies:</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
</div>
<a name='more'></a>+++<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’m roughly shaken back into awakeness.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“What the—?” I open my eyes and there is Tabitha, her hands
on my shoulders, her expression sour. The room is draped in sunlight,
illuminating just how badly it needs a thorough dusting. Tabitha doesn’t have
her hair tied back today; it hangs over me, tickling my face.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Time to get dressed,” she says shortly.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I dread to think what moth-eaten old monstrosities she’s dug
up to dress me in.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“I’d like a bath first,” I reply. Partly to detain her, and
partly because I really, truly would. I don’t know if I’ve ever gone this long
without bathing in my life.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Tabitha sniffs me. Sniffs me! Like a dog! “I bet you would.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“You’re very rude.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“You’re very rancid.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Oh, go to hell,” I grumble. I shove her shoulder just hard
enough that she’ll get away from me.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Aha!” she laughs, delighted at my deterioration in manners.
“You might! A mouth on you like that.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
(Still, she gets up off the bed. It works! I have a bright
new faith in the power of shoving people.)</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“I most certainly will not,” I answer, heartened. “For it’s
no doubt where you’re going, and I don’t ever intend to be where you are.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“You’re where I am right now, you daft priss. And if you
want a bath, then you can jump in the lake.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I look out the window. The lake twinkles back at me. I’ve
never done anything as wild as swim in a lake before. The closest I’ve come is
playing in the ocean on holiday at the seaside with my family. I can swim, but
ladies don’t make a habit of hurling themselves into lakes. But I imagine the
water cool and sharp against my itchy skin, and it is so unlike dusty blankets
and stale old air that I’m suddenly all but mad with wanting.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Fine,” I tell her.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“What?”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“I’ll gladly jump in the lake.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
She stares at me a long time, trying to figure out whether
I’m mocking her.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“There’s leeches in there,” she says at last.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“What a welcome change of company. Come on, then.” An idea
pricks me. “Unless you’re afraid Margrave won’t like it.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
She narrows her eyes at me. “I’m not the one who should be
afraid of Margrave.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Do you think he wouldn’t let you take me outside?”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“I can do what I wish. He trusts me.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
She’s better than I’d expected at hiding her feelings on the
matter. I expected her insecurity to spill all over her face—a common girl like
her can’t have much of a natural aptitude for subtlety—but I look at her and
see nothing telling.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Perhaps I’m a fool to think I can twist her around my little
finger. That’s the sort of thing a villain does, not a young lady in love. It’s
much more complex business than staring out a window and hoping.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Come on then,” Tabitha says, pulling me from my thoughts.
“Margrave wants you pretty, and I expect he won’t want the putrid stench of you
stinking up the supper table.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“I’m not <i>putrid.</i>”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
She cocks her head at me and does a silly little flounce
that’s thoroughly insufferable. “You really are.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The worst of it is that she’s a little right. </div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3631696060026361731.post-57628796692510710262014-03-10T11:59:00.002-07:002014-03-10T11:59:44.884-07:00Where oh where is the next book??<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
About a month ago, I asked over on GoodReads if anyone
would be interested about me blogging about anything in particular. Katyna
asked, “When are you going to write another book?” – here is the answer!</div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
Rather peskily, a few months after I published <i>Know Not Why</i>, I started grad school.</div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
Since the fall of 2012, therefore, I have been getting my
academia on pretty endlessly. My life is basically teaching multiple classes,
taking multiple classes, harboring a hearty terror of linguistics, and
constructing an elaborate silly secret history about the American
Transcendentalists with my grad cohort besties. (Hint about them
Transcendentalists: sex piratry, the future ghost of Barbara Cartland, and a particular
haberdashery are involved. Possibly a sea shanty about the ribald exploits of
Octavius Brooks Frothingham has been composed. I like to think that one day our
writings on the subject will become available to the public sphere.)</div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
That’s all my long rambly way of saying that I haven’t
had as much time to write as I wish I did!</div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
I’ve still been working pretty regularly – this past
summer, I finished an early draft of a rather odd, macabre fairytale-tinged
Gothic novella about a damsel in distress who gets tired of waiting for rescue
(and a little violent). I’m still not sure if that one would find an audience;
my writing tends to fluctuate between Merry Happy Silly RomCom and Anguished,
Fraught, Let’s-See-How-Many-Allusions-to-Keats-We-Can-Fit-In-This-Sucker
Weirdness. Usually, the Brontes and
Florence Welch are to blame for the latter category.</div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
Right now, I’m in the middle of a comedic variation on
the same general idea: I’m about halfway through a draft of a fairytale
romantic comedy about a princess whose prince is more interested in raging
against the machine than rescuing princesses. (He’s big into playing protest
songs on the lute.) Instead, he gets the court sorceress to do the rescuing for
him. The sorceress and the princess hate each other first, but in that fun
romcom way where they pay too much attention to each other’s beautiful eyes
while they’re snapping at each other and stuff. They are on their way to
falling in love now (40,000 words in means the besottedness level is high),
with many a fairytale shenanigan to help and hinder them.</div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
I’m hoping to finish this one up properly as soon as I
have some free time. Alas, I am currently in my last semester of school, which
means thesis-writing, so my writing allegiance is first and foremost to that
daunting task. (Sidenote: <i>aaaaah!</i>)</div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
After that one, I have another contemporary romantic
comedy I’d like to finish up, which is kind of The Nanny meets The Proposal and
hopefully a nonstop festival of romcom fun and shenanigans. Basically, my Books
I Need To Write! queue is even longer than my Netflix queue, which is no small
feat.</div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
I also have a few already-finished or very nearly
finished novels that need finishing touches ... including a 250,000-word (and
counting) behemoth of a contemporary romcom that I co-wrote with a dear friend.
It is one of my most cherished writing projects ever, and I think fans of <i>Know Not Why</i> would really enjoy the tone
of it. My friend/co-author and I have both been so busy with school, life, etc.
over the past few years that this story has gone into hibernation, but we often
talk about finishing it up and dividing it into a series. As soon as we figure
out how to coordinate our schedules, that will become a light on the horizon!</div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
In short: I am still trying to figure out how to balance
writing with all that other life stuff, and I genuinely hope to succeed at this
soon. Especially with my grad school career reaching its end (aaah!), and no
concrete future plans in sight (<i>aaaaaah!</i>),
I yearn to find some way to make a life with my long time true love, fiction.</div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
Yes, I just said “yearn,” which is pretty melodramatic
word choice – but I tend to operate on a very Anne Shirley level, as a general
rule. And not Anne Shirley when she grows up and becomes a functional human
being, either. Nope. I’m <i>depths of
despair!</i>, Slate of Vengeance twelve year old Anne Shirley all the way.</div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
Anyway: I know that I’m at my happiest and my best and, I
think, my most valuable when I’m storytelling and entertaining people in some
way. I just hope, in the near future, for the strength, skill, and perseverance
to figure out how to make a life out of that. To quote my aforementioned soul
sister Anne:</div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<i>“I’d like to add
some beauty to life,” said Anne dreamily. “I don’t exactly want to make people
KNOW more… though I know that IS the noblest ambition… but I’d love to make
them have a pleasanter time because of me… to have some little joy or happy
thought that would never have existed if I hadn’t been born.”<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
Thank you so much to all of you, my first readers; you
have helped me so much to start on that grand and daunting journey. :)</div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
And now that I’ve rambled for 800 words, I guess the
short answer is: when I’m done with grad school in a few months, I will get
back to really devoting my attention to writing!</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3631696060026361731.post-33682554057059643802014-02-28T11:33:00.000-08:002014-02-28T11:42:21.027-08:00On Clarissa (Spoilers for Reign 1.12)Anyone who interacts with me these days knows that I am absolutely bonkers for the CW's <i>Reign. </i>(I may have even done my Discourse Analysis homework on a promo for "Inquisition." I may have included a screencap of Nostradamus just to prove how remarkably furry his coat was. Even my poor educators are not safe.)<br />
<br />
Like so many modern day franchises with a female character at its heart, <i>Reign </i>does the love triangle thing -- particularly in its marketing and the buzz around the show. I am not nuts for love triangles myself; in my fangirl old age, I absolutely try to avoid anything as stressful as a love triangle. I put in my time spazzing out over Ron/Hermione during the <i>Harry Potter</i> years and then Kate/Sawyer during the era of <i>Lost</i>. I'm done! I'm old! And I figure as long as a story puts equal time into making both relationships interesting and substantial, then I'd much rather just go with the shippy flow than take a side.<br />
<br />
I must confess to being more on the Francis/Mary than the Mary/Bash side of things, but the love triangle isn't what has me so invested in <i>Reign.</i> For me, the important relationships on <i>Reign </i>have always been the ones between the female characters.<br />
<br />
The central relationship on the show, in my eyes, is not Mary's relationship with Francis or Bash, but the complex dynamic between herself and Queen Catherine. They're enemies, sure, but respect and compassion always sneak in to complicate that enmity. Their adversarial interactions always have a flicker of understanding that reminds us that the two were fond of each other in Mary's childhood -- and would be still, if it weren't for a certain prophecy and Catherine's refusal to let it come to pass. Catherine's determination to destroy Mary is purely pragmatic, and that brings a bittersweet quality to her ruthlessness. Combine that with the fact that Megan Follows is some kind of indescribable acting goddess, and, well. In my estimation, the Mary/Catherine dynamic (and Catherine in general) is the true heart of the series.<br />
<br />
Mary's relationships with her ladies in waiting, too, have the potential to be fascinating: Greer, Kenna, and Lola are Mary's best friends, but they're in her service, too, and there is a lot of room for conflict between friendship and obligation. This has been touched upon in the storylines of all three of the girls, but not explored in-depth yet; I hope that's coming.<br />
<br />
And then there's Clarissa.<br />
<br />
I'm currently in the middle of writing my master's thesis on the connection between Jane and Bertha in <i>Jane Eyre, </i>a dynamic that has fascinated me for years. When <i>Reign</i>'s first episode established that there was a mysterious girl "whose face is a ruin" lurking ghostlike in the castle passageways and watching out for Mary -- well, that's when this show had me for good.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFGMzvBkOd2qyeP8Tu_5pvfs5sQEbmpsxhcheeBVst2LDjHf2UgvOIZTI9Nsbajy3dzBQXEdEdrtwwquwmsXE0q_4nJnjS-hreEB02-GAKRtUE5kUdYNHGGOmXeYIc2DiigAUA7jrt_wQ/s1600/hands.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFGMzvBkOd2qyeP8Tu_5pvfs5sQEbmpsxhcheeBVst2LDjHf2UgvOIZTI9Nsbajy3dzBQXEdEdrtwwquwmsXE0q_4nJnjS-hreEB02-GAKRtUE5kUdYNHGGOmXeYIc2DiigAUA7jrt_wQ/s1600/hands.jpg" height="180" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">And at this moment, I was won forever. Hands and shadows!!!<br />
The start of a beautiful Gothic friendship.<br />
(Image courtesy of <a href="http://period.grande-caps.net/gallery/index.php?cat=154" target="_blank">grande_caps</a>.)</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
What really got me about the Mary/Clarissa connection is that it wasn't totally relegated to the realm of subtext. Unlike in <i>Jane Eyre</i>, where the interaction between Jane and Bertha can only be found when you really delve deeply into the text, Mary knew about Clarissa straight away -- and Mary felt for her. Mary <i>talked </i>to her -- or, well, talked to the shadows, and knew that Clarissa was listening. And that compassion, that lack of fear, won Clarissa's fierce and rather frightening loyalty. Clarissa appointed herself Mary's guardian angel of sorts, even if the things she's done in her name have been distinctly less than angelic.<br />
<br />
The Clarissa/Mary dynamic definitely seems to have its roots in Jane/Bertha, especially the reading popularized by Gilbert and Gubar in <i>Madwoman in the Attic </i>- namely, that Bertha is not Jane's rival. Instead, Bertha is actually acting on Jane's behalf: all her violent actions are manifestations of Jane's own anger. There are problems with this argument, but this is not my master's thesis so I won't go into them too much. The number one issue is that, while suggesting this connection between Jane and Bertha brings a lot of feminist potential to the text, Bertha is never really considered as a person in her own right. Her actions are, in some strange supernatural way, a result of <i>Jane's </i>impulses. 'What a cool symbol for feminist rage and rebellion Bertha is!' this argument seems to say, but does not take into account the suffering and oppression that Bertha has faced. It's very easy, in this argument, to see her as a symbol instead of a person. And taking away a woman's personhood? Kinda not feminist. Kinda breaking that #1 feminist rule, where -- oh yeah! -- women are people.<br />
<br />
Mary/Clarissa seemed poised to subvert that very problem in the heroine/her-monster-doppelganger dynamic -- to grant each girl equal personhood. Mary <i>knew </i>Clarissa, even if they never met face-to-face, and saw her as a human being and a friend. A protector, not a monster.<br />
<br />
Which brings us to last night's episode.<br />
<br />
(Spoilers beneath the cut.)<br />
<br />
<br />
<a name='more'></a>The last shot of this episode tells us Clarissa is dead. I cannot tell you how much I hoped that at the last minute, her eyes would flutter, or one of those ominous forest pagans would come sweep her up, leaving us with the narrative promise that she'd be saved from the brink of death. (Or even resurrected. Why not?? I feel like this show just needs to embrace the full-on supernatural. We've already got Nostradamus's visions! What's a spot of resurrection next to that? And what good even are ya, forest pagans, if you don't save Clarissa when I need you to???)<br />
<br />
Clarissa's (apparent) death is my first major disappointment with the show's storytelling choices. Things have felt a little weak to me in terms of Mary's characterization since Aylee's death and Francis's departure, a bit directionless and hollow, and that pattern seems doomed to continue despite the really compelling tragedy of Mary killing Clarissa to save little Charles.<br />
<br />
The way the scene was shot really stood out to me, mostly for what it lacked. Clarissa's last conscious action was to reach for Mary's hand, and Mary took it -- a beautiful, bittersweet moment, but strangely shot. It was a moment significant enough for a close-up on their entwined hands, and one of those bittersweet folk songs that <i>Reign </i>is so good at busting out. After all, this is a relationship that has mattered since the first episode, just like Mary/Bash and Mary/Francis. But instead, the moment was all filmed in one far away shot, and did not pack the poignant narrative punch that it should have.<br />
<br />
The last scene heaped more disappointment onto that. I would like to see Mary's reaction to causing a death, especially the death of someone so loyal to her. She has killed someone who loved her -- someone who was by no means innocent in the conventional sense, but certainly twisted by a life of abuse and suffering. Blood is on Mary's hands now, even if that blood was spilled to save a child. The last scene in this episode, I think, rightfully belonged to Catherine and Mary: both had the closest connection to Clarissa, and no one knows better than Catherine what it's like to bloody one's hands, to spiral into the dark, in order to protect one's family.<br />
<br />
Instead, the scene turned into yet more marriage talk between Mary and Bash. (And man oh man, did Bash bug me by rejecting Mary's marriage proposal so that <i>he </i>could reassert the patriarchal authority of The Dude Proposes! Like, I get that this is the "1550s", but come on. We are listening to The Lumineers. Y'all are wearing prom dresses. Why couldn't you just let Mary propose, bro??) It was one of the first moments where the show itself, rather than the buzz around it or the fandom reactions to it, genuinely made me feel all, 'Okay, <i>enough </i>of this love triangle stuff.'<br />
<br />
I'm guessing that killing off Clarissa -- and Clarissa's point in the first place -- will serve the prophecy storyline. Now that Mary has killed Catherine's firstborn, Nostradamus's prophecy about Francis will be called into question. If this is the case, I'm disappointed, but at least it ties into the larger narrative in an integral way.<br />
<br />
Because let's be real here: killing off Clarissa felt like the easy way out. Like in <i>Jane Eyre </i>with Bertha, the easiest way to handle the reveal of the animalistic madwoman's existence is to ... kill her right away. And yes, that "she couldn't survive in this world" argument is valid.<br />
<br />
But what if she had to try anyway? Where would that take the story?<br />
<br />
What if Clarissa had lived? How would that plotline <i>go</i>? I was really excited to see where her storyline went simply because it is so bleak and so brutal. How in the world do you try to help someone who's grown up in such ghastly circumstances? I would have liked to see Mary try, even if it would have ultimately resulted in failure. How would everyone react to Mary's determination to show Clarissa compassion? And -- the big question -- how would Mary react to finding out the true reason behind Aylee's death?<br />
<br />
Catherine has insisted more than once that Clarissa is better off dead -- but that seems like just the kind of cold assertion that Mary would <i>fight</i>, even if she gradually discovered that Catherine was correct. I would have liked to see that fight last longer than one episode. To really see Mary grappling with the dark.<br />
<br />
Not to mention that Clarissa sticking around would provide more great material for Catherine, whose vicious ruthlessness is somewhat redeemed by the fact that she is a fiercely devoted and loving mother. Would she really be able to keep her heart cold toward the baby she lost, especially when (as last night's episode excellently highlighted) Catherine herself has so much darkness in her, and knows the pain that comes alongside it? Catherine is often maligned as almost supernaturally wicked. Henry called her "<i>Devil</i>" -- soon after, Nostradamus tells us that Clarissa was deemed "<i>kissed by the devil</i>" at birth. It would have been fascinating to see the full realization of that parallel: Catherine's is a very civilized brutality, in contrast to Clarissa's animalistic brutality, but they are two sides of the same coin. Just as Clarissa and Mary were (two girls raised in hiding), and just as Catherine and Mary are (our story's two queens).<br />
<br />
Mary killing Clarissa is not the problem. If the storyline had been allowed to build for a few episodes and ended the same way, I think it would have been truly powerful. Mary having to kill someone who loves her, who has sworn (a twisted, brutal) loyalty to her, is the stuff good drama is made of. But after all of the magnificent buildup that Clarissa's had since the show began, she should have been kept around for more than one episode after we finally saw her face. I would have liked to see her properly pulled out of that eerie symbolic realm and brought into the light -- even if only to see how tragic, how doomed, that transition would be.<br />
<br />
I think what I missed most of all was an actual scene between Mary and Clarissa. One conversation. One opportunity for the two of them to meet face-to-face and speak at last. (A very trope-subverty opportunity, and one that Jane and Bertha certainly didn't get.) Mary mentions ordering the mask for Clarissa; did they interact in order for Mary to make that decision? How did Clarissa <i>get </i>the mask? Did Mary give it to her?<br />
<br />
The point is, the connection between Mary and Clarissa has been one of the driving forces of <i>Reign </i>since the beginning, one of the elements that really set it apart for me as a refreshingly female-centric series with complex, unique, important relationships between its women. I can't help feeling now that it all built to ... well, not quite nothing, but not <i>enough</i>.<br />
<br />
RIP, Clarissa.<br />
<br />
Or don't, because I seriously hope that the forest pagans resurrect you.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3631696060026361731.post-10154141495593408472014-01-11T17:12:00.000-08:002014-01-11T17:13:26.352-08:00Happy 2014, Blog! Also - muffins?I always wish that I posted here more often than I actually do, so perhaps one of my New Year's Resolutions shall be to hang more around these parts. Hello to all you readers out there (if indeed any readers there are) and I hope that you're doing well!<br />
<br />
Blog entries are supposed to offer some keen, deep insight, huh? Some profound reflection upon the state of existence, or at least television (which is fairly synonymous with existence when you are, for instance, me)?<br />
<br />
Um.<br />
<br />
Well, I made blueberry muffins yesterday evening, and I'm pretty sure the best thing about being an "adult" is that I have eaten nearly all of them by myself (four remain of the original eleven, suckas!) and I just can't quite feel bad about it.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Colin Firth, you can't possibly understand!</td></tr>
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Eating muffins nonstop is essential when a new semester looms only a few days away. As Algie from <i>The Importance of Being Earnest </i>says so winningly, especially when he is played by Rupert Everett (who, let's be real, just plain knows how to say things with swagger, that charming cad), "I can hardly eat muffins in an agitated manner, can I?"<br />
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Yep, an insightful and electrifying 2014 awaits us 'round these here blog parts.<br />
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And now I am off to finish the rest of the muffins. It's a matter of principle and Oscar Wilde at this point. If the muffins manage to exist for more than 24 hours, it means I've failed!Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3631696060026361731.post-56905955823726246502013-09-20T12:25:00.002-07:002013-09-20T12:36:09.311-07:00Regarding my nemesis, Mr. Rochester ...This year, ye olde second year of my master's degree program, I am going to be writing my thesis on <i>Jane Eyre</i>! I have therefore decided -- maybe a little erroneously, but <i>shh!</i> -- that it totally counts as schoolwork to just obsess over <i>Jane Eyre </i>all day all the time madly and constantly! That is how the serious academics roll, right?<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I feel you, way-too-foxy Rochester. (p.s. Check out theotherausten.tumblr.com<br />
if you want some period piece hilarity and snark in your life.)</td></tr>
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As such, I've decided to get into the <i>Jane Eyre </i>state of mind by watching different screen adaptations. My favorite by a mile is the 2006 miniseries with Ruth Wilson and Toby Stephens, which, to me, captures an understanding of the novel and the characters of Jane and Rochester that no other adaptation that I've seen has. It seems like often, film adaptations get so bogged down in the Gothic doom-'n-gloom aspect of the story that it's forgotten that Jane and Rochester are both very quick-witted and snarky people. The Wilson/Stephens adaptation allows the story more of the humor and light of the novel than adaptations generally do. Also, I am just convinced that nobody (except for <i>The Autobiography of Jane Eyre</i>'s freaking wonderful Alysson Hall) can match the absolute 100% <i>Jane</i>ness of Ruth Wilson's portrayal.</div>
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But I am not here to discuss that adaptation! Nope, I want to talk about the one I just watched, which is the 1996 film directed by Franco Zeffirelli. It has some stuff going for it: the scenery's great, Rochester is -- true to book canon -- not a super hot hunky hunk, Adele's a wonderful gem and actually gets shown some affection by Jane and Rochester. But it also commits the e(y)r(e)ror of condensing, like, the last half of the novel into 20 minutes.</div>
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Yes, I just tried to make 'eyreror' happen. Let's all just move on gracefully past that. Unless you think it's witty, masterful, and hilarious. Then, sure, take a minute to laugh it out!</div>
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Anyway! What really got me grumpy about this adaptation is that it cut straight from the scene where Rochester and Jane profess their love to their wedding day. And all that stuff that happens in between is <i>so important</i>, and yet often glossed over by adaptations.</div>
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The impediment to Jane and Rochester's relationship isn't the fact that he has a secret wife up in the attic. The impediment is the fact that Rochester is the kind of person who would keep a secret wife up in the attic.</div>
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Sarah Waters, one of my very favorite writers, once said that <i>Jane Eyre</i>, as a novel, is marred only by the fact that Charlotte Bronte clearly liked Mr. Rochester too much. (I used this quotation in my undergrad thesis, so it's burned into my brain.) As I've gotten to know the novel better over the years, I'm not sure I would agree with that assessment.</div>
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But I definitely think that that is the reason the film adaptations are commonly lacking. Even the general cultural perception of <i>Jane Eyre </i>is guilty of that sin. <i>Jane Eyre </i>suffers a bit from Mr. Darcy-itis: despite the fact that it's a remarkable feminist novel by a female author and is rich with complex female characters, the romantic hero tends to be the foremost priority in the cultural consciousness. <i>Jane Eyre </i>is often described first and foremost as a love story between Jane and Rochester; for me, that doesn't quite fit. I think that before it's a love story between Jane and Rochester, it's a love story starring Jane and herself.</div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Constantin Heger, smoldering your way.<br />
<i>Do you think me handsome, blog readers?</i></td></tr>
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I am not as up on my Bronte biographical knowledge as I could be; I'm a really awful historian, although I do have the best of intentions and a few CharBro biographies on my shelves! But I do know that at around the time Charlotte Bronte was writing, she was nursing a seriously depressing crush on a married mean little dude by the name of Constantin Heger. He ran the school she attended in Brussells in the early 1840s, and apparently she thought he was all that, even though he was all peskily married and junk. I've read excerpts of her letters to this fellow, and <i>yeesh</i>. Check out this epistolary angst from 1845:</div>
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"Monsieur, I have a favour to ask of you; when you reply to this letter, speak to me a little of yourself, not of me; for I know that if you speak of me it will be to scold me, and this time I would see your kindly side."</div>
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"Tell me, in short, my master, what you will, but tell me something. To write an ex-assistant-governess (No! I refuse to remember my employment as assistant-governess -- I repudiate it) -- anyhow, to write to an old pupil cannot be a very interesting occupation for you I know; but for me it is life. Now I need another [letter] and you will give it me; not because you bear me friendship -- you cannot have much -- but because you are compassionate of soul and you would condemn no one to prolonged suffering to save yourself a few moments' trouble. To forbid me to write to you, to refuse to answer would be to tear from me my only joy on earth, to deprive me of my last privilege -- a privilege I never shall consent willingly to surrender."</div>
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The phrase "I pine away" also pops up in there.</div>
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Ouch!</div>
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My point is: there is the very obvious 'I've fallen in love with a mercurial married man!' parallel between CharBro's life and Jane's. On the surface, the story of <i>Jane Eyre </i>is really easy to read as, like, wish fulfillment: sure, he's married, but that bitch is crazy and she throws herself off the roof! Boom, happily ever after!</div>
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But I tend to find myself wondering (and it's very possible that finding out more about Charlotte Bronte would answer this): couldn't a huge part of her have just been <i>pissed off </i>at Heger for being the worst? And could that come through in <i>Jane Eyre</i>? If Rochester's inspired by Heger, let's not assume that everything Rochester does <i>FOR LOVE!!!! </i>is meant to be acceptable.</div>
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Despite the tendency toward idealizing him in reinterpretations, and often turning him into this, like, gruff but noble dude who just hangs out brooding a lot and loving Jane passionately 4eva, Rochester is not all (broody) sunshine in the novel.</div>
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Rochester is, like, a bombastic weirdo.</div>
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This guy has a <i>LOUD</i> personality. He is a very passionate fella, an extremely theatrical dude. It's actually one of the things I really enjoy about his character, if only because I get to laugh at his straight up wonky antics. When he broods, he doesn't settle for just sitting in the dark and being stoically anguished; Angel the vampire, he isn't. When Rochester broods, he wants to make sure that EVERYONE (or, okay, Jane) REALLY REALLY KNOWS THAT HE IS DOING IT! "HEY EVERYONE!" his weirdo speeches seem to say. "I'M BROODING OVER HERE! DON'T MISS IT! PLEASE, BE AWARE OF HOW BROODY I AM."</div>
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He's weirdly, diabolically scheming. He invites Blanche Ingram & Co. to his house so he can flirt with her and makes Jane sit there (and be ridiculed by his guests) just to make sure that she's as jealous as a person can be by the time he admits that he's still, hey, totally single and way into her. Like, come on, Rochester! that nonsense is not going to fly! If you want her, make like Gilbert Blythe and hand her a freakin' candy heart or something. Nope! Instead, he DRESSES UP LIKE AN OLD LADY FORTUNE TELLER AND TRIES TO GET HER TO ADMIT THAT SHE HAS A CRUSH ON HIM.</div>
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YOU KNOW, THE OBVIOUS ROMANTIC MOVE.</div>
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(My kingdom for a film adaptation that keeps <i>that</i> scene in, damn it! <i>The Autobiography of Jane Eyre </i>busted out a glorious modern alternative, which I will discuss on this blog someday in detail.)</div>
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The scene where he proposes to Jane starts off with him basically being all, "Hey girl, I'm gon' ship you off to Ireland to governess for some other mewling children; that's cool, right? I'm getting maaarried!" Sure, it moves into some epic romantic language toward the end there, but the fact remains.</div>
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And -- this is one of my very very favorite things about the whole book -- once they get together, Rochester starts treating Jane like his lovely little betrothed instead of his friend. (And his behavior as a friend was already pretty sketch at times.) Suddenly, Jane is this delicate, adorable little doll for Rochester to lavish with fine things and flowery praise, even though Jane's like, 'Dude, you know me. This is so not my style.'</div>
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“You shall sojourn at Paris, Rome, and Naples: at Florence, Venice, and Vienna: all the ground I have wandered over shall be re-trodden by you: wherever I stamped my hoof, your sylph’s foot shall step also. Ten years since, I flew through Europe half mad; with disgust, hate, and rage as my companions: now I shall revisit it healed and cleansed, with a very angel as my comforter.”<br />
I laughed at him as he said this. “I am not an angel,” I asserted; “and I will not be one till I die: I will be myself. Mr. Rochester, you must neither expect nor exact anything celestial of me—for you will not get it, any more than I shall get it of you: which I do not at all anticipate.”</blockquote>
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In Rochester's eyes, as soon as they've assumed the traditional roles of 19th century heteronormative romance, he starts seeing The Wife Who Will Be His Salvation more than he sees Jane Eyre, The Human Being. It's sad and frustrating, because the initial attraction between Jane and Rochester stems from the fact that, despite gender & class differences, they have this remarkable inherent understanding of each other. They have a shared sense of humor that leaves poor Mrs. Fairfax totally baffled. They click. Until that connection stops being as important as a more possessive, socially conventional kind of love.</div>
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Jane tells us that she rolls with Rochester's post-engagement treatment of her because she loves him -- a love that she acknowledges to be troubling and a little unhealthy. She's very good at putting Rochester back in his place, but he has so much power over her that it starts to weary her. His treatment of his "girl bride" threatens to strip her of the one thing she's always had and always striven to protect against remarkable odds: herself.</div>
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The engagement scenes take up a fair amount of time in the novel, and they drive home the fact that this relationship wasn't in a good place to begin with. It's not like the wedding day surprise of 'oh snap, there's a Mrs. Rochester in the attic!' destroys what would have been a blissful union. Bertha's existence doesn't come along and ruin what otherwise would have been all hearts and flowers forever. Bertha's existence gets Jane out of Thornfield before Rochester can affectionately smother her any more. Her departure from Thornfield is hard, so hard it almost kills her, but Jane rises up out of it with nothing and makes a life for herself. That's some pretty incredible stuff.</div>
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Here is the point about ol' Rochizzle:</div>
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Rochester is a privileged upper class gentleman who's internalized some seriously problematic -- but typical -- 19th century patriarchal crap regarding women. He genuinely believes he is being a compassionate dude by locking his wife in an attic and then talking smack about what a demon she is all the time so that people will feel bad for him. He is all about the angel/whore dichotomy. He speaks disparagingly of his string of past mistresses, and even wryly condemns Adele as a coquette in the making. He has no qualms leading on Blanche Ingram to the point where everyone is basically counting down the days 'til the wedding, and does so in good conscience because he writes her off as a gold digger (and therefore, I guess, not a human being? Another thing I love about <i>The Autobiography of Jane Eyre</i>: its handling of Blanche Ingram).</div>
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When Rochester describes Bertha, it's like she was a succubus who was specifically designed to, like, devour and wreck his whole existence. Dude clearly has not read <i>Wide Sargasso Sea.</i> Meanwhile, he talks again and again about Jane's remarkable purity, how she is good and innocent and young and sweet and will be the one to save him from his past sins.</div>
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And, like, we readers know that he's not seeing all of Jane as she truly is. He's too blinded (a ha ha; foreshadowing pun!) by what he wants her to be, the function he wants her to serve for him. We know that Jane has grappled with rage, abuse, imprisonment -- just like Bertha. We know she's not perfect, and so does she. But Rochester wants her to be perfect so badly that he just stops seeing her as she truly is.</div>
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I <i>like </i>that story. It's much messier than a straight up 'Girl meets boy, girl loves boy, boy loves girl, boy has first wife in attic, boy loses girl, girl comes back (and she's totally rich now!), boy and girl live happily ever after' tale. It's not the external challenges that most need to be overcome in this plot, but the internal ones. Jane needs to truly find her own strength, and Rochester needs to stop being such a freaking entitled self-pitying douchebag. Only then can they really love each other in a healthy way.</div>
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So while the Jane/Rochester love story element isn't my favorite thing about <i>Jane Eyre</i>, I think there's a lot to admire in the complexity of it -- but that complexity isn't always addressed, particularly in the general pop culture perception of <i>Jane Eyre</i> as being, like, <i>Twilight</i>'s grandma or whatever. This novel is extremely critical of Mr. Rochester's behavior, as well it should be. Because that guy is the worst. But that's okay. In fact, it makes the story much more fulfilling than it would be if he wasn't.</div>
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SO SUCK IT, ROCHESTER!</div>
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Oh snap! You just got Eyre'd! (Gifs courtesy of kissofthespiderwoman.tumblr.com)</div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3631696060026361731.post-69755311883558970412013-09-14T14:57:00.001-07:002013-09-14T14:59:17.205-07:00Oh yes. Now then. What is that phrase you use? Once upon a time ...School is again upon me, and with it, lots of work I <i>could </i>always be doing! Which means procrastination has become extra important, and today I am going to procrastinate by talking about one of my very favorite movies: Ever After.<br />
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When it comes to my favorite genres, 'fairytale retelling' is way up there on the list. It's a genre I've spent a lot of time in myself writing-wise, and I hope to hang out there a lot more for years to come! And Ever After is one of those fairytale retellings where I dream, one day, of writing one as lovely and thoroughly good. It is basically the film equivalent of Ella Enchanted. (Perhaps even more so than the actual film adaptation of Ella Enchanted, which I have to confess I have never watched in full.)<br />
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Reading More's Utopia for my Utopian Studies literature class this semester seemed as good a reason as any for another Ever After rewatch! (Way to go, Thomas More. It's possible that at the part about society making thieves and then punishing them, I scribbled "omg Ever After!! <3" in my margin notes. As serious intellectuals do!) And it is just such a <i>good</i> film, lovely and thoughtful and clever and sweet, which is exactly my favorite kind of story.<br />
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I don't often see this movie discussed, so I figured I'd just devote a bit of time to explaining the things I love about it. Because having giddy feelings about fiction is what I do best!<br />
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<b>FIRST AND FOREMOST: THE LADIES</b><br />
I really admire how this movie takes the Cinderella archetypes -- the sweet girl and her relentlessly awful stepfamily -- and really gives careful time and consideration to their characterization. It's one of those qualities that kinda makes me feel like this movie is based on a book; there's such a sense of wholeness and nuance to the way it approaches its characters. Like, look at this film, and then look at, say, Snow White and The Huntsman (which I really enjoy as a film too, for different reasons, but OH MAN, my kingdom for a screenplay with actual depth to its characterization, rather than just tons of potential).<br />
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<b>Danielle: </b>Danielle is one of my very favorite female film protagonists ever. I love that we get such a thorough sense of who she is, which isn't something a movie can always manage with its characterization. She's genuinely sweet and compassionate but she's got a formidable temper; she feels awkward dressin' up fancy but she carries herself with confidence anyway; she quotes <i>Utopia</i> with righteous indignation like a boss and throws apples at Prince Henry's head. She just wants her stepsister to marry the prince so she can have her childhood home all to herself and her fellow servants so they can, like, keep bees and fly kites in fields and stuff. And I love that she is so tough about so many things, but she has this very raw vulnerable weak spot, despite everything, where she just wants her stepmother to love her as a daughter. Ye gods, that gets me every time! And I love that she cries a lot in this movie. She's allowed to have emotions <i>and </i>punch people in the face <i>and </i>wear glorious sparkly dresses.<br />
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<b>Her Stepmother, Rodmilla: </b>Anjelica Huston, being flawless! I love that she functions as both a comedic and a dramatic character, and I love that the film gives us that one moment early on that sets her whole character trajectory off: when her husband gives his daughter his attention in his dying moments, and ignores his wife. His wife who's been brought to a place entirely different from the world that she knew and is just not at all keen to be there. This doesn't excuse how terrible she is, but it gives such a fascinating explanation, and I like to think that she did love Danielle's father and that's where that extra vitriol comes from. (She's like a lady Snape! ... Kind of.) And her scenes with Danielle are SO GOOD AND PAINFUL. There's this sense that very occasionally, she slips up and lets something almost like affection through, and then compensates by just being extra, extra horrible. Agh, complex villains! Is there anything better?? Straight up pure inhuman evil works sometimes in stories, but it provides such a wonderful soul-wrenching twist to the heart when you know the character has the potential to be good, that there's something like compassion in there somewhere, but they <i>still </i>don't choose to act on it.<br />
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<b>Her Wicked Stepsister, Marguerite: </b>A confession: I love super fabulous bitches. I can't help it. Female characters who are entirely shameless about their own wicked selfish wiliness are completely delightful to me. And Marguerite is such a good one! Her complete and entire lack of shame as she tries to woo the prince is the straight up BEST. Like, in the original fairytale the stepsisters cut off their toes so they can try to squeeze their feet into the glass slipper at the end, and even though Marguerite (very fortunately) does not do this, she so thoroughly believes in her right to be a princess that you can kind of sense that she would. When she's got a black eye because Danielle punched her in the face for being the worst, Marguerite still goes to tea with the Queen and makes up a story where she saved a freakin' baby from a carriage accident! NO SHAME; I love it.<br />
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Honestly, I would to this day love a sequel film where Marguerite adjusts to being impoverished and has some sort of haphazard love/hate romance full of bickering and indignant screeching.<br />
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Also, the scene where the prince feeds her chocolate is awesome. GET IT, GIRL. Yay for chocolate.<br />
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<b>Her Not So Wicked Stepsister, Jacqueline: </b>And then there is Jacqueline, who isn't a wicked stepsister so much as a meek one. She's the victim of her mother and sister's cruelty like Danielle is, if in a less extreme way; she is so cute and mousy and awkward and I dare you not to love her instantly! And the best part is: she doesn't stay that way. We don't just get the story of Danielle's liberation in Ever After; Jacqueline, too, finds her voice and falls in love and winds up on Danielle's side in the end. I just think that is so great, that two female characters get an arc like this in one movie -- especially when they're female characters who are just enemies in the original story. The quiet quasi-friendship between Jacqueline and Danielle is such a bittersweet gem.<br />
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Plus, Jacqueline and her courtier boyfriend dude bond over dressing up like horses at the masquerade ball, in perhaps what is one of the most winsome flirtatious exchanges in the history of film. There's neighing and everything! My boyfriend said that is his favorite part of this movie, and he's in a passionate rivalry with horses (like, collectively, as a species), so you know it has to be good.<br />
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<b>ALSO, DANIELLE'S FAIRY GODMOTHER IS LEONARDO DA VINCI</b><br />
Like, that's just cool. Cooler than anything that happened in The Da Vinci Code, I'm pretty sure. Sorry, Dan Brown! Did your version of Da Vinci invent body glitter??<br />
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<b>AND HER BFF IS, I AM PRETTY SURE, SOME FAMOUS OLDE SCHOOLE PAINTER GUY</b><br />
Okay, I can't remember his name to look him up on Wikipedia, but her BFF is totally cute and they have lots of great scenes together, and when they're kids, she totally beats him at roughhousing. And I'm pretty sure he is a famous artist. So that's cool!<br />
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<b>ALSO, THE SERVANTS ARE SO AWESOME</b><br />
I just love the snarky wonderful servants who make up Danielle's true family. That scene where she brings Old Guy Servant back and he and his wife reunite and everybody's all group huggin' outside? I'm not crying, it's just been raining on my face!<br />
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<b>ALSO, HENRY IS A BRAT, BUT A CUTE BRAT, AND HIS PARENTS ARE DELIGHTFUL</b><br />
Like, okay, Prince Henry's kind of the worst in this movie, especially at the beginning, but it's mostly okay because the movie gets it and fixes him, and he has lots of great lines, especially the speech about trying to figure out who your true love is. Also, his mom is awesome and amazing, and his dad is all blustering and Lord Grantham-y and I enjoy all the royal family scenes greatly. I love the part where the King threatens his son super awkwardly with, "I will simply deny you the crown, and -- and live ... forever!" You go, King Charming Guy.<br />
<br />
<b>LOOOOVE!</b><br />
This is one of those love stories that basically goes: "Girl is the best freakin' ever, gettin' stuff done and being god damn awesome. Guy is initially in a foemance with girl, but becomes awed by girl's smartness and awesomeness, and she inspires him to be a non-sucky human being by calling him out on his nonsense." THOSE ARE THE BEST LOVE STORIES THERE CAN BE.<br />
<b><br /></b>
<b>THEY USE LOREENA MCKENNITT IN THE TRAILER</b><br />
It doesn't even matter that "The Mummer's Dance" doesn't make it into the actual movie. If you are using Loreena in your trailer, you are doing something so right. <i><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hcj9fyx6DXI" target="_blank">OooOooOooOoohhhhh!</a></i><br />
<br />
<b>AND, OF COURSE, ONE OF THE GREATEST SCENES IN ANYTHING EVER</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/SZwTcKGnX2k?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div>
<b><br /></b>
Like, come on, that's freaking awesome.<br />
<br />
<br />
So, in conclusion, <i>THIS </i>is how you retell a fairytale. None of that Red Riding Hood nonsensicality. Oh my God. That movie was so bad. Even the red-cloak-in-white-snowy-forest visual couldn't save it. Even Amanda Seyfried couldn't save it, <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M-NKbxZ983I" target="_blank">even though her folksy cover of "Red Riding Hood" is pretty darn nice</a>. Let's never speak of this film again.<br />
<br />
Fairytales are often a place where female characters are in the lead and female experiences are prioritized by the narrative -- and there's often more than one female character, and the relationship between them is central. Even if it's usually because they are foes. Our cultural perception of fairytales tends to prioritize the <i>happily ever after! </i>heteronormative aspect beyond all else; I love that in addition to being a great romantic love story, this retelling devotes careful attention to Danielle's relationships with the women in her life too.<br />
<br />
So let's all watch Ever After one million times! Hooray!Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3631696060026361731.post-73964427340622450752013-08-10T13:01:00.002-07:002013-08-10T13:06:31.008-07:00The Pop Culture Conundrum!Good morrow, fair blog readers!<br />
<br />
I have this problem where I love pop culture references, and as a result, my writing does too. One of my most painful edits of <i>Know Not Why </i>involved taking out the approximately two billion pop culture references that had already become obsolete since I'd originally written them. I know that I cut 40,000+ words out of the first draft; when I look back on that now, it's mind-boggling. 40,000 words is almost a whole novel in and of itself! I would<i> LOVE </i>to write 40k of something, anything in my current creative drought! And I can never really pinpoint what it was that got cut that somehow added up to that giant word count.<br />
<br />
But it might have all been just, like, the characters having conversations about TV. I definitely remember a drawn out conversation involving Amber and Dennis discussing the love triangles in Lost and Buffy that (alas?) did not make it to the final edit. Also, Howie had a secret crush on Anderson Cooper all throughout the novel (I think at some point there was the line, re: Arthur, "He has a definite undeniable Anderson Cooperocity about him. Damn it! I was doomed from the start."). I cut that at the last minute just in case Anderson Cooper ever came across it and, you know, it made him giggle flusteredly in that way that usually only Kathy Griffin can do. Kathy Griffin has the right to make that happen, all snarky and ginger fabulous, but me? No way!<br />
<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhd0mkyo5i9ttKTNeRdRgiFi72x0cmekAlNfn0Vml-vgazaQIm_Cfp4YlYZFvnFh8Df8gQPFYlbQDZLwj1msat_i36uvHVJJ3yqVYMHTCmL5csXp7dDdah3gvT7l8B94I8GCT1CrgOr78g/s1600/straight+anderson+cooper.gif" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhd0mkyo5i9ttKTNeRdRgiFi72x0cmekAlNfn0Vml-vgazaQIm_Cfp4YlYZFvnFh8Df8gQPFYlbQDZLwj1msat_i36uvHVJJ3yqVYMHTCmL5csXp7dDdah3gvT7l8B94I8GCT1CrgOr78g/s1600/straight+anderson+cooper.gif" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Mindy gets me.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
(In retrospect, I may have been overthinking things in an irrationally panicked fashion toward the end of that edit there. <i>WHAT IF ANDERSON COOPER READS IT AND I EMBARRASS HIM?!?!?!? </i>I dunno. It could have happened!)<br />
<br />
Anyway, I'm just saying: who knew that the Jonas Brothers wouldn't remain a part of our cultural consciousness for all of time? WHO KNEW? With that being said, they've been popping up on the radio again lately, so I feel like Kristy originally owning an embarrassing Jonas Brothers poster would have withstood the test of time in the end. Still, it got changed to kittens dressed like angels, which I guess has a certain timelessness re: its ability to charm or alarm people. (And yes, the Jonas Brothers poster was based on a REAL Jonas Brothers poster that currently resides in my roomie Dana's and my cleaning supply closet. I'm pretty sure I refuse to live in a house without that thing in it.)<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXJSsUJj3hbv05sAE1ib2uW2650ukQHPXJxgsE5fOrBGgXyCv4K2eEQJ6CE4n-vh4LWJJEBV7oS4KpBXf68Y_gf4T6UdvkqV_wRnIoHZyKMVkokdRLC3fLrKpEx_XEPD-35tAWUJdRIik/s1600/the+jo+hos.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXJSsUJj3hbv05sAE1ib2uW2650ukQHPXJxgsE5fOrBGgXyCv4K2eEQJ6CE4n-vh4LWJJEBV7oS4KpBXf68Y_gf4T6UdvkqV_wRnIoHZyKMVkokdRLC3fLrKpEx_XEPD-35tAWUJdRIik/s320/the+jo+hos.jpg" width="251" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">And, okay, it's possible me and my buddies Justine & Renata recreated<br />
aforementioned poster back when it lived in our kitchen.<br />
2008-2009 was a lively year for us!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
There are many reasons I would love to write half hour comedy TV shows -- mostly because basically my favorite thing to write is silly banter (fortunately, I hide this <i>very </i>well ... um) -- and at least twelve of those reasons are that TV glories in pop culture references. Unfortunately, they don't shine through quite the same way in books, since something about having it there in text makes old pop culture references feel especially glaring.<br />
<br />
I totally understand why this is the general opinion, especially for people seeking out publication, but I'm starting to realize that I'm also not sure how I actually feel about it.<br />
<br />
For example, going back to read the Princess Diaries books now (which is, in my opinion, always an EXCELLENT life decision and one I recommend), a huge part of their charm is the fact that it takes me right back to circa-2000 and all the pop culture stuff I loved in my pre-teen years. There's just something extra hilarious and wonderful and joyful in seeing Mia so submerged in what was popular at the time. I've found myself occasionally pondering how great a Princess Diaries half hour TV show would be (more in the vein of the original book series than the movie, although I love that too, 'cause who can't, <i>it's Anne freakin' Hathaway and Julie freakin' Andrews</i>). And I think you'd <i>have </i>to set it in 2000, right? Preserving that sense of a recently bygone era where Buffy was still on and cell phones weren't really a thing and we were all really, really invested in Justin and Britney dating and it was okay -- nay, encouraged -- to wear those shirts in pastel colors that showed your stomach ... it brings its own comedy and nostalgia that is just so charming and joy-inducing to me.<br />
<br />
Pop culture is a huge part of my own life and how I connect with the people in it, so when I write, that tends to be a huge part of how my characters connect too. It's just part of how I perceive the world and the way people form bonds within it. (Just call me Abed Nadir!) We get to see that sense of characters' lives and connections being really informed by pop culture a lot between ensembles on TV shows (Community, The Office, Gilmore Girls, The Mindy Project, EVERY OTHER SHOW I LOVE, etc.) but it's hard to translate it to the page. Because for some reason, when you're writing in text, the goal is that it be TIMELESS, dun dun dun.<br />
<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhZ4kBI4YYdXUOjN9kRwgQCfEHkIHPBTU3XGNH8EiKTjBk-8DDbFuQWlQQN-XbUOCckEOIl0jn23sehBRDiDdF0jf6nH99MsFzktUDiK5caX0JVbX3lJZXJV2lVJPohxBMu9xQ9otV2OUY/s1600/priorities.gif" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhZ4kBI4YYdXUOjN9kRwgQCfEHkIHPBTU3XGNH8EiKTjBk-8DDbFuQWlQQN-XbUOCckEOIl0jn23sehBRDiDdF0jf6nH99MsFzktUDiK5caX0JVbX3lJZXJV2lVJPohxBMu9xQ9otV2OUY/s1600/priorities.gif" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i>Someone </i>has to write the romcom novel<br />
that will eventually become the greatest<br />
KStew & Charlize screenplay in the world, okay!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
I am currently at the beginning of a new romantic comedy project (think The Nanny meets Anything Where Two People Have To Pretend To be A Couple meets my brain going: <i>I am pretty sure Charlize Theron and Kristen Stewart need to star in the movie version of this, but I am not picky, I will also accept the flawless goddesses that are Leslie Mann and Anna Kendrick; actually, I will accept just getting anything written at all! Like! At all! AT ALL!</i>), and I can already feel the pop culture references sneaking in! And it's tricky to find that balance re: what to allow and what to cut. Honestly, at this point, I am kind of tempted to just slap a big ol' "This story takes place in 2013!" on there at the beginning, and then boom, it's historical fiction, and lo, in upcoming years, the accuracy will be <i>stunning</i>! "Think of all the painstaking research she did!" people will cry. "It's like <i>actually being in 2013</i>!"<br />
<br />
Just to finish off this discussion of the magical force that is the pop culture reference, I will say that I often wonder how Howie, Arthur, and the whole <i>Know Not Why</i> crew would have reacted to pop culture things that happened after its time. Like:<br />
<br />
+ Rebecca Black's "Friday" - namely, how the craft store crew even managed to survive Kristy's debilitating and inevitable obsession with it.<br />
+ "Call Me Maybe" - Same. (This may be slightly autobiographical, as I genuinely do not know how the people in my life survived my obsessions with "Friday" and "Call Me Maybe". Or how they continue to survive, because damned if those songs aren't still THE BEST.)<br />
+ Game of Thrones!!!<br />
+ I think probably Kristy and Cora watch Once Upon A Time together regularly -- texting each other all throughout it if they're not actually in the same place -- and Kristy is sincerely enthusiastic about all of it (although less so after some of the malarkey that went down in season two; like, guys, she is optimistic, not brain dead), whereas Cora mostly just talks about wanting to do and/or become Evil Queen Regina Mills.<br />
+ Sharknado, a.k.a. - let's all face it - the best thing that has ever happened to Howie and Mitch. (And me!) I am pretty sure there was a fancy viewing party.<br />
+ Also I think Arthur probably really hates texting on iPhones, because he had just gotten really good at the number key pad texting and now it's all rendered obsolete!<br />
<br />
Anyway, bringin' it back to the broader topic at hand! What do you all think? Pop culture references in books: yay or nay?Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3631696060026361731.post-37348568681881111142013-07-07T23:55:00.001-07:002013-07-07T23:56:53.219-07:00The Lesser-Known Tales of ... Me?So, as it turns out -- get ready for some shocking news -- it actually takes, like, a long time to finish a book!<br />
<br />
Which is not to say that I haven't been working on any books. Truly, I have. (Even if often it's The Nick Miller Way. If you don't know what this means, it is my moral obligation to point you toward the New Girl episode "Eggs" as soon as possible. It is definitely one of the most consistently hilarious episodes of television I have ever known, and I have seen it ... too many times. MAYBE MY PROBLEM IS I'VE BEEN LIVING TOO CASUAL WITH YOU CLOWNS! I NEED REAL LIFE EXPERIENCE LIKE ERNEST HEMINGWAY! I WANT TO KILL A MAN AFTER MAKING SWEET LOVE TO HIM AND SLEEP IN THE BELLY OF HIS HORSE! I WANT TO EAT MY WAY OUT OF A SANDWICH HOUSE! I'M BECOMING ERNEST HEMINGWAY, YA IDIOTS. ... that was all from my imperfect memory, so, ya know. Take it for what it is. But God, doesn't it look good in caps lock? Also, Nick Miller is me, HE IS ME BUT THE MAN VERSION WHO LOOKS BETTER IN CASUAL FLANNEL, but that's another blog post for another time.)<br />
<br />
Unfortunately, I write like I read, and also like I blog: which is to say, all over the place. I am usually reading about five books at the same time because I am both voracious and ambitious when it comes to my story consumption. I want them all! All at once!<br />
<br />
Aaand usually it leads to me not reading anything because I just can't choose between them.<br />
<br />
My writing impulse is very similar, in that I currently have like a handful -- or two handfuls -- of novel ideas battling each other for dominance. (Jolly dragon slaying adventure about a prince and his lady squire! No, feminist Gothic fairytale-deconstruction romp! No, Know Not Why sequel! No, fluffy lesbian Cinderella retelling where she falls in love with her wicked stepsister instead! No, angsty YA novel about Guinevere and Morgan le Fay being unlikely best pals! No, sequel to that fluffy fairytale novel I finished in 2010 and then left to gather dust! No, figure out how to do something with that fluffy fairytale novel I finished in 2010 and then left to gather dust! No, some kind of romcom that Charlize Theron and Kristen Stewart could star in the movie adaptation of, because come on, THAT NEEDS TO HAPPEN, THAT CHEMISTRY IS NOT TO BE DENIED! No, it's time to finally finish the 750+ page romantic comedy magnum opus I co-authored with my dear dear friend also named Hannah in the halcyon days of 2007-2008! ... actually, that one is always the true priority, and I am super excited to one day get that out into the world. THIS IS HAPPENING, MY OTHER HANNAH!) Anyway, in short: I love all my novels-in-progress and want to spend time with all of them! It's the choosing that messes me about.<br />
<br />
I am definitely trying to work on figuring out how to be more disciplined as a writer and focus on one project rather than bouncing from one to the other merrily and madly. But I'm not sure how much progress I'm going to make in terms of producing something e-publishable in the very near future. Just know that I <i>am </i>working, and more <i>is </i>on the way! And I promise I haven't just vanished, never to return. Your readership truly means the world to me. I love it even more than Nick's Hemingway monologue from the New Girl episode "Eggs." And that is how you know this love is very real and, frankly, a little freaky.<br />
<br />
So in the meantime while I'm fighting my way through the writing process, I do have some other stories that are currently available as well! I don't think these have been quite as widespread as <i>Know Not Why</i>, so I figured I'd just talk a little bit to you about each of them in case anyone's curious to read more from me.<br />
<br />
<b>STORIES BY ME THAT ARE NOT <i>KNOW NOT WHY </i>BUT I'M STILL PRETTY FOND OF 'EM</b><br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg4qu7L1PyoTBZI77EjWnOnH7aARm_9G5cPPfxO7AqERELEjcNe7je_pHMkg7Gx9EtMrT7CSE7ubxF0ABvWqj2eyzkWd59y5nTSwGgaEe4g30bIKVOciu3T4hAMGImf5OK3ShDGBXXPsU8/s1600/923a098a862142d0a16bf8cb1001b0d50f978fbc.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg4qu7L1PyoTBZI77EjWnOnH7aARm_9G5cPPfxO7AqERELEjcNe7je_pHMkg7Gx9EtMrT7CSE7ubxF0ABvWqj2eyzkWd59y5nTSwGgaEe4g30bIKVOciu3T4hAMGImf5OK3ShDGBXXPsU8/s320/923a098a862142d0a16bf8cb1001b0d50f978fbc.jpg" width="246" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I took that picture of those flowers in Canada,<br />
which makes sense, because Canada is<br />
A GOD DAMN FAIRYTALE.<br />
One day I'll live there! One ... day ...</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
1. <i>The Beautiful Thing: Fairytales Retold </i>is a trio of, well, fairytale retellings. (A shocking twist, I know!) The first story is based on The Princess and The Pea, but with more prostitutes. And I promise it's fluffier than that necessarily makes it sound. The second one is a sequel of sorts to the Keats poem <i>La Belle Dame Sans Merci </i>-- because you can't just mope over mysterious fairy succubi forever! Even weary knights need their "We Are Never Ever Ever Getting Back Together" moments. The third story, still one of my very favorite things that I've ever written, is -- well, actually, I don't totally want to give that one away. It's about a young girl named Iris who becomes the apprentice to a rather charming witch. Let's leave it at that for now.<br />
<br />
I wrote these when I was getting my undergraduate degree in English; it was the time right after I'd finished my general requirements and was really delving into upper level English classes for the first time. And oh heavens, y'all, I was just so <i>happy</i>. I was blessed (and continue to be!) with a really wonderful group of English professors who are entirely guilty for making me fall even more head-over-heels in love with literature than I was already when I showed up to college. With my own Intro to Composition students, I often tell them that we don't write into a void: writing is entering a conversation. With these -- and with a lot of the fantasy/fairytaley stuff I write -- I love "entering the conversation" of these old stories and examining them in a different way. (And, ya know, sometimes taking elements of the stories that really piss me off and making it go a new way instead. :D)<br />
<br />
<b><i>The Beautiful Thing</i> <a href="http://www.amazon.com/The-Beautiful-Thing-Fairytales-ebook/dp/B0080YF7D8/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1373263997&sr=8-1&keywords=the+beautiful+thing+fairytales+retold" target="_blank">@ Amazon Kindle Store</a> / <a href="https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/138948" target="_blank">@ Smashwords</a></b><br />
<br />
2. <i>Fairish and the One-Eyed Goatherd</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiHvPU_94qC3Ohomgo-6X1sfgKxMq_e1qzkqEAnuLmvj7q2_j2VccFT_T9GJMgszcgTr2rRzsoW-VGqAMXZaYyZr7zfuJGBUl8tkzPi92khorazlK3kBL6U_DSYVec3fSIdEBJL3IA0niA/s1600/7d46d8a7f7952eeeee9b5490fbc5be9ad8061087.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiHvPU_94qC3Ohomgo-6X1sfgKxMq_e1qzkqEAnuLmvj7q2_j2VccFT_T9GJMgszcgTr2rRzsoW-VGqAMXZaYyZr7zfuJGBUl8tkzPi92khorazlK3kBL6U_DSYVec3fSIdEBJL3IA0niA/s320/7d46d8a7f7952eeeee9b5490fbc5be9ad8061087.jpg" width="246" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Sadly, I could not find an actual one-eyed<br />
goatherd to pose for this cover art.<br />
Ergo its vagueness.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
This one is also in the fairytale vein, except it's about 75% more bonkers. Let's be real here: make that 90%. Here, I'll bust out the summary for you:<br />
<br />
"Beauty(of 'and the Beast'-type fame)'s okay-looking older sister Fairish gets her own potential fairytale. It doesn't go too well. Featuring a heroine who really likes to say 'screw you,' a hero who knows how to rock an eyepatch, adventure, danger, random dragons, and all the goats you could possibly dream of. And then some. Seriously. There are just too many goats."<br />
<br />
It's tremendously silly, and sometimes I like to daydream about expanding this one into a novel. Because it's not like my list of To-Write Novels is already astronomically long or anything!<br />
<br />
Anyway, I like the love story in this one. They're just such weirdos! And as we all know, weirdo love is the best love. Just look at Nick and Jess! (Boom, New Girl reference #2! Can you possibly tell that my gentleman companion and I have been New Girl rewatching lately?)<br />
<br />
<b><i>Fairish and the One-Eyed Goatherd</i> <a href="https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/139030" target="_blank">@ Smashwords</a></b><br />
It also has <a href="https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/139856" target="_blank"><b>a little sequel tale</b></a>!<br />
<br />
3. <i>Fires I Would Like To Know</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJJZyCX1rFloRziX6v4qyzdQKPaac6kZK7cgFyJEHvpSVk-eqVqKHrRfgcqMWk7FjRV2U5Jxdo0aha0Y0JU1lSnzom10iJRSN6mCICctb65Q1C36Im2m6p0IXUX0Fc1RXhf708dxi9zFU/s1600/fiwltk.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJJZyCX1rFloRziX6v4qyzdQKPaac6kZK7cgFyJEHvpSVk-eqVqKHrRfgcqMWk7FjRV2U5Jxdo0aha0Y0JU1lSnzom10iJRSN6mCICctb65Q1C36Im2m6p0IXUX0Fc1RXhf708dxi9zFU/s320/fiwltk.jpg" width="256" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Ooh, get it? Red like FIRE! And trees like ... trees!<br />
(<i>Fire bad, tree pretty</i>. -Buffy Anne Summers)</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
I wrote this while I was also writing my undergrad thesis, which was all about <i>Jane Eyre </i>and the awesomeness of Jane and Bertha and how Rochester is a frightful patriarchal tyrant. (Sorry, Rochester! I just don't get it, except in a way where I like to make fun of you SO MUCH. It is truly one of my life's great passions. And while we're on the subject, everyone go read <a href="http://sarahtales.livejournal.com/193457.html" target="_blank">Sarah Rees Brennan's crazy-fabulous recap of Jane Eyre</a>. It understands my Rochester sentiments like nothing else. Except perhaps Kate Beaton's comics.)<br />
<br />
One of my very favorite writers (and the other author I did my undergrad thesis on!), Sarah Waters, said that <i>Jane Eyre</i> was marred only by the fact that Charlotte Bronte liked Mr. Rochester too much. So I guess, in short, this story is asking: what if Jane didn't? What if it was something else about Thornfield that captivated her? (Hint: it's Bertha.)<br />
<br />
I like this story. It was cathartic as hell to write as I slogged through Rochester's nonsense for month after month. Honestly, I can only put up with that guy for so long.<br />
<br />
Unless he's played by Toby Stephens. That dude's winsome, what can I say?? He's so <i>jaunty</i>!<br />
<br />
<b><i>Fires I Would Like To Know</i> <a href="https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/140520" target="_blank">@ Smashwords</a></b><br />
<br />
4. <i>When Flirting Met Zombies / Lifeless in Limbo</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The cover art for this is legit RIDONKULOUS.<br />
What was I thinking?? What am I ever thinking?<br />
(Usually about food.)</td></tr>
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Long ago, an online writing group of mine had the challenge to write a zombie apocalypse story. Because I am me, I wrote a zombie apocalypse romcom! In a world with Warm Bodies (which I still need to watch!) and Z Is For Zombies (I love you, Nick Miller!), this is no longer a fun and original idea, but I swear it was groundbreaking revolutionary stuff in 2007! ... well, I'm not totally sure about that. In any case, it was fun to write.<br />
<br />
This is technically two short stories. It's like one of those movie two-packs you can get at Target, where suddenly you're the proud owner of What A Girl Wants <i>and </i>A Cinderella Story for $9.99! Plus, the titles are deeply nuanced (...) homages to When Harry Met Sally and Sleepless In Seattle!<br />
<br />
Also, once upon a time I made cover art for them with Scarlett Johansson as Sarah and Justin Long (who was known in those days as The Mac Guy) as Benjamin. The tagline on it was, I believe, "Just because the end is nigh don't mean the sparks can't still fly."<br />
<br />
I have always been slightly too quippy for my own good, or indeed the good of anyone around me.<br />
<br />
In other words, maybe just imagine that Howie Jenkins wrote these two tales.<br />
<br />
I apologize to Oasis for how much these stories make fun of them. <i>Wonderwall</i> really is a very lovely and powerful song. Like, <i>damn</i>: have you heard Ryan Adams and Cat Power cover that thing??<br />
<br />
Although the original is obviously really excellent as well.<br />
<br />
God I hope the members of Oasis don't read this. (They're a band, right? And not a Bat for Lashes situation?)<br />
<br />
Ahem.<br />
<br />
<b><i>When Flirting Met Zombies / Lifeless In Limbo</i> <a href="https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/139110" target="_blank">@ Smashwords</a></b><br />
<br />
And that's all for now, folks! As always, thank you for devoting some of your time to my babble. :)<br />
<br />
I remain ever yours in not writing in a timely fashion,<br />
HJUnknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3631696060026361731.post-761518190686714862013-06-13T13:55:00.005-07:002013-06-13T13:55:40.044-07:00SEQUEL ANXIETY (dun dun DUN)Why hello there, blog! Fancy seeing you here!<br />
<br />
As you can probably tell, random reader who wandered here probably by mistake, I'm not so great at this whole fidelity-to-blogging concept. But I'm going to try to improve! Even if it's just endless posts musing over why I thought it was a good idea to put "andromeda" in my blog title. (I was in search of that sweet alliteration high. I was not in my right mind. Alliteration does that to a person!) But that is an issue to tackle another time. When I'm, y'know. Emotionally prepared for such philosophizing.<br />
<br />
Instead, I will talk about writing, because that seems to be the common theme here.<br />
<br />
I actually started writing a sequel to <i>Know Not Why </i>about a month after I finished the first draft, back in ye olde days of 2010! It was right after -- like, possibly the day after -- I graduated from college, and I really needed something familiar and trustworthy to fall back on as my life hurtled into bleak time-to-move-back-home-with-the-'rents! uncertainty. At the time, it didn't really feel like a sequel as much as it did a seamless continuation of the same story. I had been hanging out with those characters for like a year already; they were there, bright and distinct in my brain! I made it about three chapters in and then got distracted, as is my way.<br />
<br />
And now all of a sudden it's 2013 and it's been so long since I wrote these folks that they have all up and abandoned me. The nerve!<br />
<br />
Sequel anxiety is totally a thing, right? Like, when you hope and hope and wish and wish for that long-dead canon to come back to you, and then it does, and it's all awkward and rusty around the edges and somehow just isn't the fairytale sequel you had dreamt of at all. X-Files: I Want To Believe. Was that really the best plot they could come up with after like ten years? (But Mulder and Scully cuddled in bed so, you know, movie existence justified.) And I know no one is ever going to forgive Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. (Except me, because it brought Marion Ravenwood back, <i>finally</i>. Now I just need my Jurassic Park IV where Dr. Grant and Dr. Satler fall in love anew while wrestling some raptors, because I'm sorry, I'm sorry, why would you even include that breakup unless you wanted to target my poor heart specifically, Steven Spielberg?? Watching Jurassic Park in 3D at the movie theatre only strengthened my ardent belief that there are some couples you just don't callously break up. YA JUST DO NOT.)<br />
<br />
In case you can't tell, the worth of sequels to me tends to be based on how much -- or how little -- the right people are cuddling each other in them. It's just how I live.<br />
<br />
Anyway, the point is, now I get it, o ye Want To Believes and Crystal Skulls of the world. SEQUEL ANXIETY. Your muse gets nervous. The story gets nervous right into its bones. This sequel could be good, or it could take everything that was ever good about the original story and do some jaunty Irish step dancing allll over it until nothing is left but dismay.<br />
<br />
Basically, right now whenever I think about writing about these characters again, I love it in theory. In practice, it comes out something rather like this:<br />
<br />
<b>Me: </b>Dammit. HOW DO YOU CHARACTERIZE?<br />
<b>Howie: </b>I am Howie! I do the banter things! It's either funny or you will hate me for it, based upon your aesthetic preferences! I say 'yo' sometimes, yo! The Violent Femmes are good! I hate being called Howard! Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuckity fuck. Fuck.<br />
<b>Arthur: </b>I am Arthur. I wear ties. How do you do?<br />
<b>Kristy: </b>Teehee!<br />
<b>Cora: </b>Fuck you. <i>(Not to Kristy, necessarily. Just to the world.)</i><br />
<b>Amber: </b>Charlotte Bronte Charlotte Bronte disdainful truth bombs Victorians stop eating that Mitchell.<br />
<b>Mitch: </b>[eating something enthusiastically]<br />
<b>Emily: </b><i><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LTrk4X9ACtw">Let me sail, let me sail, let the ORINOCO FLOW!</a></i><br />
<b>Dennis: </b>I have a goatee.<br />
<b>Howie's Mom: </b>I write romance novels! I'm a cool mom!<br />
<b>Rudy: </b>[is probably naked] SUUUUUP.<br />
<br />
In short, I certainly had visions of producing a sequel this summer; the reality hasn't been quite so fruitful so far. I'm also currently wrestling with a handful of other writing projects, at least one of which (but ideally all of which!) I would love to get done sometime this century. In addition to a <i>Know Not Why </i>sequel. If, indeed, it needs a sequel at all.<br />
<br />
That brings us to the ultimate question: are requests for a sequel genuinely requests for a sequel, or just the highest form of praise? Is leaving your readers wanting more a mark of success and an 'all right, time to move onto something else now!' indicator? Or should a sequel really be A Thing That Happens? I definitely have more stories about these guys drifting somewhere around my brain and heart; I'm just wary about my ability to tell 'em satisfactorily.<br />
<br />
Either way, I think the grimmest truth here is that my work ethic, writing-wise, best resembles that of New Girl's Nick Miller -- that is, before he got all driven ("I'M HEMINGWAY, YA IDIOTS!") and actually finished <i>Z is for Zombie, </i>leaving me in the dust<i>.</i><br />
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And, well, I have whole bunches of half books for you! They usually involve ladies and magic and silly fairytale lands, if not quite arts 'n crafts stores. That's ... something, right?Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3631696060026361731.post-53351411118992571072012-08-31T17:38:00.000-07:002012-08-31T18:01:03.812-07:00"I'll never be hip."Hello there, o blog readers -- if indeed, any readers of this particular blog remain! If any do not, I seriously can't blame you. Apparently this whole committing-to-write-to-the-world-at-large-with-some-regularity thing doesn't come totally naturally to me. And yet I shall persevere anyway! If only because it gave me the opportunity to use the phrase 'I shall persevere,' which gives me a mighty thrill.<br />
<br />
After many months (some might even say two years' worth of months) chilling out upon my bonny isle, I am back to the city for graduate school! Yes, that's right -- I finally motivated myself to apply, and as such, am kicking it once more in my most beloved English department. In addition to m'graduate studies, I'm teaching an introductory-level English course, which I'm sure will prove an adventure. I didn't faint when I had to stand at the front of the classroom on the first day; I like to think that's an auspicious beginning. I also wound up rambling at my students about Xena: Warrior Princess <i>and </i>the rap from Teen Witch, but I think that's good, right? Just proving I'm hip with the kids! (Yeah no don't say anything. Don't shatter my delusions.)<br />
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Speaking of the rap from Teen Witch!<br />
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<i><span style="font-size: x-small;">So this is love ... la la la la la ...</span></i></div>
<br />
As I told my friend yesterday, this is my new standard by which perfection is measured. And quite frankly, I dare anything -- like, an-y-thing -- to <i>TOP THAT. </i>A ha ha wit!<br />
<br />
But what I'd really like to talk about (apart from the greatest rap battle ever to grace the entire world, of course) is <i>Know Not Why</i>! I know, I know: again, some more. I'm basically that lady that Garfunkel & Oates lambast in <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tJRzBpFjJS8">Pregnant Women Are Smug</a>, only I don't even have an actual human being to rhapsodize over. But I do have a book! Full of human beings that I made up! That works, right? Sure. For the sake of this blog post, let's say that works.<br />
<br />
My dear little paper-child -- okay, Kindle screen child, and yes, I get that my use of the word 'child' here is creepy, I promise I'll stop soon -- has been released for an entire summer now! And I am still a little bit 'pinch me, I'm dreaming!' over the whole thing; the reception of it, by and large, has been so kind and positive and I am just happy beyond measure or articulation that I could brighten up anyone's literary life with it. It is terrifying and <i>weird </i>to take something as personal as a novel you've been hanging out with for years and then just toss it out of the nest (now it's a baby bird? I dunno? Writing! Metaphors! Y...aaa...y...?), and you lovely readers -- assuming you're reading this -- have made it relatively painless and for that I thank you from the bottom of my <i>Top That</i>-lovin' heart.<br />
<br />
Of course, the feedback hasn't been universally positive, because nothing has universal appeal (except <i>Top That</i>), and so to those of you who didn't like it -- assuming you're reading this ... for some reason? -- I thank you so much for giving it a try and taking a chance on it!<br />
<br />
A few points have come up frequently in the reviews, and they struck me as really interesting, so here, let's discuss them a little bit! Because it's my blog and I'll ramble if I want to, by Jove.<br />
<br />
<br />
<a name='more'></a><b>Point the First: Howie is annoying!</b><br />
<br />
Now, I will admit to you that, absolutely obscurely and completely weirdly, this sort of never occurred to me. I know! It makes no sense! I am basically that parent that goes, 'Well, he <i>never </i>acts like that at home' when the teacher brings up that maybe their kid should stop stealing peoples' lunch money and tugging on pigtails and eating glue sticks like they're GoGurt. (Though if we are going to get technical I'm pretty sure Mitch would probably be the most likely of the Krafty Times crew to eat glue sticks. Oh, Mitchy.) I'm definitely not crying out in my own defense here, because now that it's been pointed out I totally get it.<br />
<br />
I think I basically approach writing like method acting, which gets really weird when you are the sort of person who occasionally makes the bold life decision to spend several hours writing a Dwight Schrute fanfiction. (It goes without saying that I am this sort of person.) I expect this is actually just very common, and how writing and characterization works. So when I wrote Howie, I tended to do it in a way where I really did just feel like I was hanging out in his consciousness; for the most part, my consciousness was on the back burner. And though it was often -- near always -- a joy to be hanging out in Howie Brain, at the core, the driving feeling there was really desperate, and discontent, and sad. For a long time, I had Walt Whitman's <a href="http://greatpoets.livejournal.com/2942519.html#comments">"A Noiseless Patient Spider"</a> as the novel's epigraph until I decided that chafed discordantly against the writing's vibe. But the line <i>"Till the gossamer thread you fling catch somewhere, O my soul"</i> liked to echo in my head during the writing process, and make my heart all pangy.<br />
<br />
So the spazzy ramblin' quippin' ways of Howie's internal monologue were, I think, something I perceived partially just as fun (the fellow just loves his wordplay), and partially as a defense mechanism. I'm not really trying to make excuses for anything; the reviews just made me quite curious to examine exactly why Howie's characterization and voice turned out the way they did.<br />
<br />
Also, really, this whole situation can probably be best addressed by pointing out that I, myself, am a total spazzy rambler. I'm pretty sure just reading this far into this blog post makes that abundantly clear. It's just the way I am! So, ya know, it's possible he inherited that from a certain ... me.<br />
<br />
Just maybe.<br />
<br />
<b>Point the Second: But where's the plot?</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
You got me! I mean, there's an approximation of a plot. Things happen and because of those things other things happen. But I am definitely just not a big plotter. While I love a complex, sprawling, exquisitely crafted plot, what I tend to enjoy the most about stories -- and about telling them -- is the relationships therein. A lot of this comes, I think, from the fact that TV is basically my favorite storytelling medium, and on TV, just putting a group of characters in a room together and watching them do their thing is enough to make for truly moving and wonderful fiction. I like stories that are just peoples' lives, and how they interact, and what they mean to each other. I get that this isn't for everyone, but it tends to be where I feel the most at home as an audience member and as a writer, so that's usually what you're going to see from me. (It's very possible that Anne of Green Gables, The Office, and Gilmore Girls are all to blame here, in a big ol' formative influence way.)<br />
<br />
Fortunately, there are countless authors out there who can plot like superstars! So I don't think the universe is missing out too much. :)<br />
<br />
One aspect of the whole no-plot thing that I'm actually very proud of is the fact, as pointed out by a few reviewers, that there isn't the traditional romantic comedy formula that goes:<br />
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
UST! --> Finally, they hook up! --> Oh no, conflict & misunderstanding & total failure at communication! --> Sad montage featuring a lovely bittersweet folk song --> They get back together in the last five pages/minutes/what have you --> The end!</blockquote>
<br />
I very deliberately didn't do this, because oh my God, I am so sick of this formula. It is a whole <i>Flames on the side of my face! </i>situation. Some stories pull it off better than others, and I'm not saying it isn't well-earned sometimes. But often it does feel contrived and lazy, and during a watch of some romcom a few years ago (27 Dresses, maybe? I don't remember!), I very heartily vowed, "Yeah, I am never doing this with any of the couples I write. And when Howie and Arthur get together, they're staying together!"<br />
<br />
I often feel cheated by the Sad Montage Ft. Lovely Bittersweet Folk Song sections of stories, because I would much rather spend that time seeing how that couple works as a couple, you know? The whole crux of the story is that you're rooting for them, and yet most of the time you don't get to see how their relationship would actually <i>work</i>.<br />
<br />
So I like the idea of tweaking the romcom formula a bit, and that's what my intention was when deciding the course Howie & Arthur's relationship would take. I figure there's enough organic causes for tension going on without adding in a Howie/Arthur breakup too. Not that they wouldn't both brood just beautifully to something by The Civil Wars. I'm sure they would. Is it possibly to do anything unbeautifully while the Civil Wars are playing? <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bgFh1rEr5dM">Seriously.</a><br />
<br />
<br />
<b>Point the Third: But where's the sex??</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
Hahahahaha! Here's facts, y'all: I, like, the Doctor, am worse than everybody's aunt. Everybody's spinster aunt. The kind you'd find in an L.M. Montgomery story. The kind that I'm not sure even really exists anymore, or ever did, aside from, well, yours truly. I'm the spinster aunt, and I'm not even an aunt. Basically: though romantic relationships are one of my very favorite dynamics to write, I don't tend to write explicit sex scenes, simply because I don't really feel like I'm the person to do it well. There are tons of people who do, so lament not! Just look elsewhere!<br />
<br />
I do feel a bit guilty that peoples' expectations are shaped, very understandably, by the fact that it's in the M/M romance section on Amazon. I put it there because technically that was the closest genre match for the plot, but I definitely wouldn't classify it as a romance novel. So my apologies there! And, ya know, bring on the porny fanfiction or whatever. Go fandom go!<br />
<br />
<br />
<b>Point the Fourth: Sequels & Stuff?</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
A few people have mentioned liking the idea of a sequel, which is so sweet and kind that I'm sort of wondering if my mother somehow found them and bribed them to write that. So, here's facts!: I would love to do a sequel. I actually started one very soon after I finished the first draft of KNW, but wound up wandering away from it. Now I'm not entirely certain that I'd want it to go in the direction I had planned for that one, so I'm still very much in the 'hmm! ponder ponder ponder!' phase (the most lofty & illustrious of phases) -- but the point is, oh, how my heart does yearn to hang out with these kids again. I think there's still a lot of storytelling potential left in this gang, and I absolutely 100% intend to return to them.<br />
<br />
A proper sequel may not show up right away; I've been brainstorming some short story ideas. (And am also quite tempted to do a zany Howie & Co. Bounce Through Different Genres story collection, because while the real world is all well and good, sometimes I just wonder how they would fare if they were fairytale characters, or vampire-daters, or something.)<br />
<br />
I am, however, also working on some other projects right now! Too many projects to actually list; there are just-begun novels dancing around my brain clamoring for attention like Adele Fairfax all the time. Unfortunately, I'm way better at thinking things up than writing them down, but I like to imagine I'll get to them all eventually. Right now, I'm paying the most attention to (1) a tongue-in-cheek Gothic romance (which I would love to have done and Smashwords/Kindle Store-ready by Halloween season!) and (2) a Cinderella retelling focused on the dynamic between our heroine and her new stepfamily (who are all heroines too in their own right). Hopefully both tales will continue to treat me nicely, and will one day venture beyond my mind and laptop to hang out with y'all, should you be interested!<br />
<br />
In the meantime, everybody just start workin' on committing <i>Top That </i>to memory? Readyyyyyyy? Go!<br />
<br />
I'M KING<br />
AND THEY KNOW IT ...<br />
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3631696060026361731.post-2638159954345238012012-04-24T13:31:00.001-07:002012-05-28T23:11:46.716-07:00At first, it's just this idea.Why, hello there, blog! Let's just say my four month silence was me being mysterious, as opposed to just lazy and uninteresting. You'll never know what manner of thrilling adventures went down in that span of time!<br />
<br />
(Justine and I finished watching Xena at last. A moment of respectful silence, please. Okay, now you're caught up!)<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This isn't my book, but it's <i>a</i> book! GINNY WOOLF 4 LIFE, YO.</td></tr>
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I am back because I finally have something to talk about! Namely: books, and the fact that I have written some. This whole ebook publishing phenomenon got its hooks into me at last, because if there's one thing I love more than the idea of being a published author, it is the idea of being a published author without having to agonize over query letters and synopses and just how unfit I am, in my current state, to be endeavoring to publish anything. Oh, technology, thank goodness for you!<br />
<br />
About a month ago, I put up some of my short stories, which are all pretty much standard Me fare -- that is to say, magic and corsets and fairytale whimsy are often involved in one way or another. I get the sense that this is probably the sort of thing that people expect to see from me. It is usually what goes on in my brain, in fact!<br />
<br />
Yesterday evening, I also put up my first novel, which is about a twenty-two year old guy named Howie who concocts the ingenious scheme to get a job at an arts 'n crafts store so that he will be able to get some action from his lady coworkers, but then winds up falling for his male boss instead. This is a hard one to pitch to people, and is probably why literary agents have not exactly been throwing pebbles at my window beneath my balcony at night, trying to win the hand and heart of this fair tale. I will always so vividly remember giving a plot summary to one of my very dear coworkers, and having her respond with, "Ew!" It's possible my heart wept a few heart tears at that one. So I was wary to share it with anyone I had ever actually met before in my life, because I get the sense that everyone's response is going to be 'UM YEAH OKAY WHY IS <i>SHE</i> WRITING ABOUT <i>THIS</i>' and then maybe backing away slowly.<br />
<br />
So here is how it came about in the first place!<br />
<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhNIsn3lGZEde8taD1XqrHuka-tDLOMmJ4CbA4SJcsd0iOeXJgXFQmN6BJwvyUpglYjRXLokbE8SecXLLXCPJMobxm5AVtBfW9r5UCdT3w2SY-ZSetMAbf5tb__OEbnbRwPGedIN9A7o7c/s1600/theresathousandyoustheresonlytwoofme.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="255" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhNIsn3lGZEde8taD1XqrHuka-tDLOMmJ4CbA4SJcsd0iOeXJgXFQmN6BJwvyUpglYjRXLokbE8SecXLLXCPJMobxm5AVtBfW9r5UCdT3w2SY-ZSetMAbf5tb__OEbnbRwPGedIN9A7o7c/s320/theresathousandyoustheresonlytwoofme.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Me & Justine. TAKE THIS, HATERSSSS. (We dig us some Kanye.)</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
My dear, dear, awesome friend Justine (not the Justine previously mentioned; I am drowning in a wealth of freaking awesome best friends named Justine) and I were out at Burger King, like, years ago, having a silly conversation, as we are wont to do. It somehow circled around to the fact that one of her male coworkers had once worked in an arts 'n crafts store, and we were trying to speculate why exactly a guy would want to work there. (This premise is, of course, inherently problematic in terms of being pretty sexist, which you will get to hear more about later. Of course guys can work in arts 'n crafts stores. But what can I say? Our humor is edgy, man. Or possibly just unevolved.) We reached the conclusion that, no doubt, his motive must have been to score with the ladyfolk ... but that, in an unfortunate twist, everyone would no doubt just figure he was gay. And, as I do approximately once a day, I believe I went, "Oh my god, that would make the best romcom, THAT NEEDS TO BE A MOVIE BASED ON A BOOK THAT I WILL WRITE."<br />
<br />
Soon after that, I busted out the first chapter as a joke-gift for Justine. I printed it out and she spilled her coffee on it -- that cherished first chapter is still hanging out somewhere, coffee-stained and beloved! By me, if no one else. She and my other glorious roomie Renata read it and laughed a lot, as did my wonderful group of online writing pals. And I was totally enjoying the somewhat rare and entirely giddy experience of hanging out in a character voice that had just <i>appeared</i>, fully formed and ridiculous and completely distinct and NOT TO BE SILENCED, and so I very merrily kept writing.<br />
<br />
On, like, the day after I started writing this story, Justine and Renata and I went to see Milk. I still very distinctly remember walking out of the theatre into the frigid, too-early, wintery dark, and just feeling despairing and hopeful and discouraged and shaken to my bones. And this story could never quite be <i>just</i> light and funny, after that.<br />
<br />
Know Not Why is, admittedly, many many pages of my protagonist's torment over the idea of being openly gay; in the years of grappling with this manuscript after the first draft's completion, I very often felt guilty about that. Around the time that the <i>A Single Man</i> film was being made, I came across a quote from ... I'm pretty sure it was the director, Tom Ford (but my memory is failing me a bit!), about how Christopher Isherwood's work is distinguished by the fact that, though it's about gay characters, their lives don't revolve around being gay and that struggle. I felt awful about contributing yet another woeful 'Alas! Gayness!' tale to a genre that deserves as much diversity as any other kind of love story. I still don't know quite how to feel about this. But I love this story, and I felt my way through this story every step of the way (like, occasionally there was probably weeping?), and I hope that shines through.<br />
<br />
I've also come to realize, upon acquiring a bit of distance and perspective after spending so long <i>in</i> this thing, that it is a lamentably accurate reflection of the world we live in. Things have improved by leaps and bounds and Neil Patrick Harrises, but our culture's inherent tendency to equate male homosexuality with femininity and femininity with The Lowest You Can Get If You're A Man is so ingrained that you don't even think to see it most of the time. I watched a wonderful, soul-wrenching documentary called <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HpJAucyX7RE"><i>For The Bible Tells Me So</i></a> a few months ago, and in it, one of the commentators pointed out that male homosexuality is so reviled because it apparently involves casting one of the men in the relationship in the role of a woman -- and there is nothing worse for a man, culture tells us, than to be like a woman. "You throw like a girl." "Sissy." "Pussy." A certain word that starts with C that I won't bust out because this is a wholesome PG-13 rated blog. (Although the fact that <i>that</i> is like the most offensive on our list of swearwords is fundamentally sort of gross and stupid -- oh heavens, <i>not lady parts</i>!!!! I think we all just need to <a href="http://alaskanandromeda.blogspot.com/2011/12/who-doesnt-need-love-and-medieval-babes.html">listen to some Medieval Baebes</a>.)<br />
<br />
Now, I don't even need to go into how this is sucky on, like, all the levels, because it goes without saying; my point is, it is this, I think, that has Howie so paralyzed. He's sort of comfortably miserable as a slacker and wants to be a totally unexceptional human being, someone whose #1 skill is slipping under the radar and being ignored and unremarkable (except for maybe in terms of having mad quipping skillz). If he agrees to openly acknowledge this part of his life, living in the world that we live in now, he will no longer be perceived as "totally ordinary," and there are always going to be people who hate him on principle. And that is why he's so stuck. And that is why, in his head, there is no greater solution to his whole existence than getting a girl. What's more manly than wanting to tap them ladies, right?<br />
<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEim4S5wrdUTXpeP3nYI1KPHtTXfynQZbyxaHCown-Se3K1i7JKEfQM9hKZgbv5bkQA5U6c-s2R2XNb-s0FZAYr9lDh7lB4vA1_Su4Twfblvkp8iFQuJ3LH-O9__1ZKDCezQeV7IZgcwnJ8/s1600/whataravishingbunch.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEim4S5wrdUTXpeP3nYI1KPHtTXfynQZbyxaHCown-Se3K1i7JKEfQM9hKZgbv5bkQA5U6c-s2R2XNb-s0FZAYr9lDh7lB4vA1_Su4Twfblvkp8iFQuJ3LH-O9__1ZKDCezQeV7IZgcwnJ8/s320/whataravishingbunch.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I, like my boo Howie, am blessed with so many great humans.<br />
Here are a zany few of 'em!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
With all that being said, this wasn't written to be a manifesto about the screwed up notions of gender and sexuality in our culture -- although clearly I could prattle on about that forever. In addition to all the soul-searching and anguish and introspection, this book is basically a love story, a love-your-life-and-all-the-great-humans-in-it story. Sure, there's fellas having crushy feelings at each other (and oh my heart how I love their love!), but it's also about loving your family, loving your friends -- the ones who have known you forever and the ones you meet when you're older, and all the joys and the pitfalls.<br />
<br />
It is also (I hope) zany and silly and ridiculous, because zany silly ridiculous humor is kinda my favorite.<br />
<br />
Having grown up quite the internet nerd, I've always been ensconced in a world where love stories transcend the canonical tales that birthed them. My first experience with this was deciding, at about 13, that Remus Lupin and Sirius Black were clearly in love with each other, which turned a sad and beautiful story into an even sadder and more beautiful one. A conviction that Buffy and Faith kinda wanted to jump each other's bones followed soon after. Fandom culture follows chemistry whither it wanders, with very little regard for heterocentricism (a word that I sort of suspect I just made up; just roll with it!), and there are not words for how much I love and believe in that. Sometimes canon even follows fandom right back -- see, for example, Xena and Gabrielle, a.k.a. <a href="http://youtu.be/4OOjI66ylFw">the most beautiful freaking love story of all time</a>. (Finally engaged! It's about time, ladies.)<br />
<br />
But oh, for a world where gay love stories get to be text instead of subtext! We're heading in that direction slowly but surely; I hope that it will be my generation of storytellers that really makes it mainstream. Stories are such an important reflection of our culture, and the more we see of Brittany and Santana, or Mitchell and Cam, or the thousand-thousand other couples that will follow them (at least a thousand of them near-inevitably provided by me, even if I am only telling audienceless tales to my hard drive), the more bigotry and fear will fade, because you absolutely can't deny that love stories are love stories.<br />
<br />
And love stories are <i>lovely</i>, and y'all just know I am going to bombard you with roughly a million of them.<br />
<br />
But here's one, just to start.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhPaMUwLXVWwgL_7i63QPwmPUDqCqJ6mS54vEVLKhaaBY0LsigTTGJicsvylobjQ_9LezUwCPPbTL1s6zAf8ZBs8ztxeLmFlO4A4GAlanc1KhkK5ZJt0zayB2yjfDEOLhZZpfDt_umbfAw/s1600/knw-small.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhPaMUwLXVWwgL_7i63QPwmPUDqCqJ6mS54vEVLKhaaBY0LsigTTGJicsvylobjQ_9LezUwCPPbTL1s6zAf8ZBs8ztxeLmFlO4A4GAlanc1KhkK5ZJt0zayB2yjfDEOLhZZpfDt_umbfAw/s1600/knw-small.jpg" /></a></div>
<i><b>Know Not Why: A Novel</b></i> (<a href="http://www.smashwords.com/books/view/155237">Buy it here @ Smashwords</a> / <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Know-Not-Why-Novel-ebook/dp/B007ZVX57M/ref=sr_1_2?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1336056407&sr=1-2">Buy it here @ Amazon Kindle Store</a> / <a href="http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/13614864-know-not-why">Goodreads Page</a>) - Howie gets a job at Artie Kraft's Arts 'N Crafts hoping to score with
his lady coworkers. After all, girls love a sensitive guy, and what's
more sensitive than dedicating your life to selling yarn and ... stuff?
(Okay, so maybe it'd be a good idea to actually learn what one sells at
an arts 'n crafts store.) But things don't go exactly according to plan.
Coworker #1 is Cora: tiny, much-pierced, and way too fierce to screw
with in any sense. Coworker #2 is Kristy: blonde, bubbly, unattainable
perfection. And Coworker #3 is, well, Arthur. It goes without saying
that he’s not an option. Right?<br />
<br />
… Right?<br />
<br />
Yeah, Howie’s life just got straight up confusing.<br />
<br />
Pun intended.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3631696060026361731.post-19846511912810245382011-12-03T00:47:00.000-08:002011-12-03T00:47:29.306-08:00Who doesn't need love and medieval babes, really?I have been listening to a lot of NPR at work, figuring it will make me an all-around classier person, but instead, because I'm me, here are without a doubt the two most fantastic things I have gotten out of it over the past month or so:<br />
<br />
<b>1. The Mediaeval Baebes, a.k.a. All Of My Nerdy Medieval Dreams Come True, Music Style</b><br />
<br />
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<br />
The lyrics of this song come from a 15th century Welsh poem in celebration of female genitalia, and to quote the CD booklet, "Due to the fact that this poem is a celebration of the female genitalia it has been banned from many anthologies of Welsh verse on the grounds that it is salacious." Because I am one of those dorks who is all about the study of literary ladies (both the writers and the written-about) throughout history, and female empowerment, and not slut-shaming female sexuality, I just find the existence of this awesome. Have you ever heard a lovelier song about lady parts? Actually, since I am posing this question to the whole wide internet, maybe I should just keep it rhetorical. Don't answer that, internet! Just listen to the pretty song, and if you're curious re: specifics, go look at the youtube page, and the comments section has a transcript of the poem.<br />
<br />
Anyway: this group makes my <i>life</i>. <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TWf5yBMNrrA">Tam Lin</a>! <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2lTDDf9NoLg">Scarborough Fair</a>! <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dAYrP1wL7is&feature=related">The Circle of the Lustful</a>! <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RwS-gSWcm8M">Dringo Bell</a>, which is another one that gets pretty darn bawdy if you check that lyrics booklet! Really, their music is seriously the best thing to happen to my secretly Celtic fae heart since Loreena McKennitt. (Which, speaking of, you go listen to <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wc2lHj0KmeM">The Mystic's Dream</a> and just try not to freak out at the awesome. You just try!) One of these days, I will get a red velvet cloak and go running through the forest in artful slow motion. It's just going to happen.<br />
<br />
<br />
AND.<br />
<br />
Ready yourselves, all.<br />
<br />
<br />
<b>2. This Sensitive Folky Irish Cover Of L.L. Cool J's <i>I Need Love</i>, A Song Which I Had Never Heard Before But Was Utterly Won By In The 5+ Minutes Some Genius Made The Spectacular Life Decision To Play It On NPR And Change My Life.</b><br />
<br />
To those of you who do not know this: my favorite song of all time is <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BW3gKKiTvjs">Wuthering Heights by Kate Bush</a>. There is something about extremely earnest, extremely weird, extremely dorky music from years past that just makes my heart soar and dance with delight. I just cannot handle all the greatness happening in my ears and brain. (Especially if it is a) rap- or b) Bronte-inspired, I guess! And if it involves dancing around a forest in red, doing moves that were clearly somewhat inspired by an atypically coordinated mummy? I am yours for LIFE!)<br />
<br />
So this ... this is just very special to me. I heard it entirely out of context on that fateful day at work, and just spent that glorious five minutes picking out weird phrases and wondering ... what was this? Was it a joke? Was it serious? Why was he rapping -- but so sensitively, so Irishly? Why does he have to get so explicit about their ~romantic encounter~ a few minutes in? (This is still a question I have. My God so awkward! Of course, that just makes it even more delightful. I guess this is also a little hypocritical of me after praising ye olde Mediaeval Baebes up there.) So many questions, and beyond those questions, a certainty that this song was going to change my life.<br />
<br />
THIS is what I unearthed on youtube:<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/zij70PCyBck?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div><br />
First off are the magic words 'recorded from the album ACOUSTIC MOTORBIKE (1992)', so you know you're just not going to go wrong here. This one is not identical to the recording that so enraptured me, which has some vaguely <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0B7sH5QLyXY">Mummer's Dance</a>-esque Irish drum beats (sidenote: oh my gosh, if we're gonna talk best songs ever, there has to be a Mummer's Dance reference, 'cause DAMN YES) going in the background, not to mention some SENSITIVE STRINGS that kind of play you out of the whole song. So clearly that version is the very best option. And maybe I bought the mp3 on Amazon last night. Do I have any regrets? What's a word that means 'no', but times about fifty with seventy-five exclamation points after it? I burned it to a CD. I am going to listen to that CD until I can rap this song like Luka Bloom raps this song. Maybe a little less Irish. Maybe a little <i>more</i> Irish. You never know with me.<br />
<br />
So my current life project is committing that to memory. And also to watch all the live performances of this gem on youtube.<br />
<br />
When I say things about my post-college existence not being fulfilling, obviously I do not mean all the time.<br />
<br />
Let's play this entry out with a series of text messages that just occurred between my dear darling friend and kindred spirit Dana and myself. Sometimes I mentally compare us to Anne and Diana of <i>Anne of Green Gables</i>, most perfect book of my life, because 'Anne' and 'Hannah' share some letters, and you can't spell 'Diana' without 'Dana'! There's some Avonlea magic at work there, I just know it.<br />
<br />
Anyway. Texty-texts:<br />
<br />
<b>Me: </b>IF I GET MARRIED THIS SONG IS PLAYING NONSTOP THROUGH THE WHOLE WEDDING. We will choreograph a dance.<br />
<b>Dana:</b> I WILL PERFORM IT IN FRONT OF THE CROWD. PROBABLY WHILE WEARING A CLOAK, JUST 'CAUSE.<br />
<b>Me:</b> Oh definitely. There's some very Mummer's Dance style percussion and strings. Cloaks are way relevant.<br />
<b>Dana:</b> I am youtubing this RIGHT NOW.<br />
<br />
So ask yourselves, dear readers: what would Dana do?Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3631696060026361731.post-37225269092170356142011-11-15T19:28:00.000-08:002011-11-15T19:28:30.170-08:00BOOTS.When we were in high school, my best friend Justine and I decided that we were going to spend college living it up crazy college kid style, which is to say ... watching Xena: Warrior Princess. (Keep your dreams of beer pong, normal teenagers!) This originated as some sort of magnificent elaborate joke, and alas, never actually got realized during our college years, because after one year frostbittenly kicking it in Anchorage, she transferred to school in California. You know, that place with warmth in it! I stayed in Anchorage, because if there's one thing I like more than frostbite, it's never knowing quite when you are going to find yourself face-to-face with a moose. I am a thrill seeker.<br />
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://a7.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/photos-ak-ash1/v235/21/118/64202912/n64202912_30410894_8585.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://a7.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/photos-ak-ash1/v235/21/118/64202912/n64202912_30410894_8585.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">My buddy & former roomie Denali & I. BEING AWARE. BEING SAFE.</td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br />
</td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br />
</td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br />
</td></tr>
</tbody></table>The years went by, as years do, and then suddenly we were both graduated from college, ready to team up and take on the world with the powers of her Psychology degree and my English Lit degree combined! And that ... is going to happen ... one of these days. When you least expect it. Count on it. Be ready. Don't be ready. You can never be ready. For that awesomeness. Yep.<br />
<br />
So! We both moved back here, reunited huzzah!, and decided, <i>It's probably time for us to start our lives now.</i> Except then I found season one of Xena at Wal-Mart for $20. <i>Ha ha! </i>I thought. <i>Remember our old vow? What silly fun this shall be! And for only $20!</i><br />
<br />
<i> </i><br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://a6.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-ash4/199201_4289534409_500734409_12528_8772_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://a6.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-ash4/199201_4289534409_500734409_12528_8772_n.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Listening to Yanni, ready for heroics.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>Somehow -- I am not precisely sure how -- we are now the co-owners of all six out-of-print deluxe edition seasons of Xena: Warrior Princess, and have been watching it devotedly for like a year and a half. We just started season six. The end is near! I might be crying a little bit on the inside! <br />
<br />
ANYWAY. In the opening credits, which we watch Every Time (to skip the credits would be sacrilege!), there is this shot of Xena fastening her Hardcore Warrior Boots. Then it zooms up to her, I dunno, putting on her warrior belt or something, and is basically just an excuse to show off Lucy Lawless's excellent cleavage. Not that they ever really need an excuse. I have seen the image of her puttin' on those warrior boots well over a hundred times now! And while I always had an absent <i>Damn, that's cool</i> appreciation for it, I never really stopped to consider the mightiness of boots.<br />
<br />
Turns out: boots are so mighty! Up 'til now, I have always had a weird bias against buying boots. Why admit that dread winter is upon us when I can just keep wearing tennis shoes and pretending that a world without snow is just around the corner? That is how I've always rolled up until now, and it's suited me fine! (It's possible my toes are perpetually like 80% frozen, but that is neither here nor there.)<br />
<br />
But then this summer, in an act strangely rife with symbolism, I found some furry black winter boots covered in zippers and complicated laces and even some Velcro (all that and fuzzy grey fur, too! Have boots not belonging to a warrior princess ever been so mighty?) ... and I bought them. Which was a little bittersweet, because it was, in a way, saying, <i>Yep, I'm still going to be kicking it in Alaska come winter, and this time, my feet are going to be prepared.</i> I don't really know where I see myself triumphantly running away to, in all these fantasies where I am no longer here (Hogwarts? Downton Abbey? New Zealand? Amphipolis? Vermont? Avonlea? Stars Hollow? I get that only two of those places are real [well, my bff Wikipedia informs me that Amphipolis <i>was</i> real]; I swear you don't have to worry for me. Too much), but does that stop me from having them? Heavens, no!<br />
<br />
But here I remain, and winter has settled in -- oh God, the snow! There is so much of it! Game of Thrones can suck it -- and so I finally broke the boots out of my closet and put them on.<br />
<br />
And now, well, good luck to the fool who tries to get me to take them off. Seriously. These things are foot heaven! I brought my sneakers with me to work today, but did I ever actually change into them? No, no I did not. (I figured this was okay, because my boss was rocking her boots all day too. Ours is a museum full of kickass Alaska ladies.) And there is just something really satisfying about tromping around in boots. If a sinister warlord had found his way into the museum, I somehow felt that I could have gone all warrior princess and defeated him soundly, thanks to the power of those boots alone!<br />
<br />
I mean, a sinister warlord did not find his way into the museum, because business gets pret-ty slow in the winter and so nobody came in at all.<br />
<br />
But I would have so been ready.<br />
<br />
Warlords of this isle: take note, and think twice.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhrM8ZbxWtHTEnd_WGNBa57xg7O9_wx-8-NE3HDj-zz93ejbVmgYJp-Syq6MgRj_ckPu2zXWFQcaHPp3XZbIcbGU-de0UG8rCmL8F-UA8XYn2XLUQeknReJYDB31ffh883d1c9WHYGxkBQ/s1600/CRADLE157.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhrM8ZbxWtHTEnd_WGNBa57xg7O9_wx-8-NE3HDj-zz93ejbVmgYJp-Syq6MgRj_ckPu2zXWFQcaHPp3XZbIcbGU-de0UG8rCmL8F-UA8XYn2XLUQeknReJYDB31ffh883d1c9WHYGxkBQ/s320/CRADLE157.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Dun dun da dun dun dunnnnnn ...</td></tr>
</tbody></table>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3631696060026361731.post-73867323482626560402011-11-15T17:48:00.000-08:002011-11-15T17:48:08.981-08:00BLAME MARIE, who would probably tether a maiden to a rock to be offered to a sea monster if she wasn't so busy eating Triscuits and being greatSo, my delightful friend and coworker Marie does this thing where generally at least once per conversation, some weird wonky thing I say inspires her to exclaim, with all this conviction and earnestness and vocal italicizing, "Han<i>nah</i>, you <i>have</i> to <i>start</i> a <i>blog</i>!" (Well, okay, maybe it is not quite that emphatic, but I said the thing about 'vocal italicizing' and then I felt like I had to commit. That is not how Marie actually talks. But I'm sure she would pull it off with swagger and aplomb if she did!) This has been going on for like a year now, and while once upon a time it was a suggestion voiced so sweetly that little bluebirds would land on its pointer finger if it were a fairytale princess instead of a suggestion, now it tends to go more like, "Oh my God, Hannah, START. YOUR FRIGGIN'. BLOG." She even had a knife today. I mean, it's because she was cutting up cheese to put on Triscuits, but. I have decided to err on the side of caution. Someone has been murdered in that kitchen before, and it could so easily become a tradition. (The fun thing about working in a building that's been around since like 1808? It's got such history in its walls! Including the MURDER KITCHEN. You don't want to mess with disgruntled 1860s fur trappers. But I'm sure you knew that already.)<br />
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So here, Marie. You win! It's on! It is happening! This spot is now doomed to become a virtual cesspool of dorky literary references and dorkier television references, and other thrilling (?) chronicles (?) of my fascinating (?) existence (????).<br />
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Thanks to my current propensity toward spending hours reading about Greek myths on Wikipedia -- mostly to fact check their accuracy against episodes of Xena: Warrior Princess, which is of course the definitive authority on Greek myths, all myths, and how to be awesome -- this blog gets a title as nerdy and pretentious as I am! I am, for the record, the English major that just won't die. You can beat this horse all you like, and I will still find a way to work a Gilbert & Gubar reference into everyday conversation. I graduated, with profoundest sadness, back in 2010, but that was not enough to stop me! That was not enough to motivate me to go to grad school, either, but shhh. ONE DAY.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/b/b6/Paul_Gustave_Dore_Andromeda.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/b/b6/Paul_Gustave_Dore_Andromeda.jpg" width="212" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I do this all the time.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>Basically: I live on an Alaskan rock in the sea, and God help me, I just cannot seem to move. It's almost as if ... as if I was chained there, much like mythological damsel in distress Princess Andromeda, who got offered to a sea monster as a sacrifice because her mom was being bitchy! (Greek moms often are. God, it's fabulous. See also: Medea, Clytemnestra, and Procne, who is a particular favorite of mine. Such devoted sisterhood!) So, basically, they chained Andromeda to a rock to get eaten by a sea monster, but of course Perseus shows up at the last minute and sorts that out, once he's done chopping the heads off defenseless ugly snake-haired ladies. This is clearly applicable to my current life situation -- except for the Perseus part -- wherein the rock is this island, I am Andromeda, and the sea monster is the vast looming hulk of a future that I just cannot quite seem to plan out!<br />
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Well, no, not really, I just like the name Andromeda and I really like alliteration.<br />
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Further References For the Andromeda Myth:<br />
1. <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Andromeda_%28mythology%29">Wikipedia.</a> Always Wikipedia.<br />
2. That recent Clash of the Titans movie, which featured a pretty badass if rarely seen Andromeda played by that awesome chick from season four of Angel who had magic electricity powers and a very flattering red leather outfit. (Okay, her name was Gwen, but let's pretend I'm one of those people who doesn't know the name of every single character on every single television show she passionately loves, of which there are approximately six thousand. Uh! You know! That electricity chick!) I don't think anyone actually liked this movie, but it was pretty and HORSES FLEW and LOVELY ENGLISH ROSE GEMMA ARTERTON WAS THERE and THERE WAS A BIG SEA MONSTER WHO TURNED TO STONE and I'm just easy like that. Anyway, I think that Andromeda needs her own spinoff movie.<br />
3. The critically lauded British series Downton Abbey, where a pair of distantly related, arch and attractive English cousins kick off their love-hate relationship via an exquisitely pointed round of banter over the Andromeda myth. This is pretty much the Masterpiece Classic equivalent of, say, <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x8eDyCRa0mY">this song</a>.<br />
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Basically: if you want a high culture blog-reading experience, look no further, bros. This, oh this, is the blog for you.<br />
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Thank Marie.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1